Jesus Was a Liberal

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So, Are You Done?

If I had a nickel for everytime I've answered that question I would have, well, atleast 25 cents. But I get the feeling only a small percentage of people who are thinking it actually say it out loud. When Jason got the big "V" when Sydney was one I remember looking at my two girls and thinking that if we had to be done I could be content. Of course we had adoption in our sights so we soon after brought Gabe home. Then we not only got asked if we were done, but we said "yes" everytime, and quite emphatically I might add. When God sent us to Haiti for Daniel I was simultaneously convinced He was doing something redemptive and scared out of my ever lovin' mind that I would fall flat on my face (in a puddle of my own tears, in a corner, in the bathroom). Don't laugh. My doubt came from experience. I had visited that corner before. Gabe's adoption ushered in the spiritually darkest time of my life. After he came home I sank into a depression that threatened to destroy me. It is really the only time in my life that I felt truly abandoned by the Lord. I would call to Him desperate for relief and only silence followed. I was sinking. It was the scariest version of getting out of the boat and then seeing the storm that I personally have lived. Looking back on that time is still painful. I can very vividly remember those feelings, and yet I can also see now how God was lovingly carrying me, putting churches in place, putting distance from home and a very simplified life in place. Basically stripping any source of comfort I might have had apart from him. So painful and yet so loving of Him to give me no choice. You can understand then why the thought of another even more emotionally trying international adoption was a bit unnerving. When nothing but sheer bliss followed Daniel's homecoming I was able to praise God with a gratefulness I couldn't have known without experiencing the opposite. and this time when we got the "done" question we just laughed and shrugged.

We were finally beginning to understand. It's not about us. It's not about what we can handle, or what is financially prudent, or what we pictured as our perfect family, or, or, or.... And it most certainly is not about being "done". Our sweet little Bean is my daily reminder that being done only means less love, less blessing, less joy. Each child and the way they join our family teaches me more about God's grace, His goodness, His mercy, His sovereignty. Why would I ever want to be done with learning more about my Father, being drawn closer to His heart and what is dear to Him? One day the last child to enter our home will be the last. It may even be today. But I have stopped seeking that day as though it were a finish line. May we never wish for done. And may done with this only mean we are on to other even more beautiful things.

Why Me?

Not the "oh woe is me" why me. The "holy cow I've got it good" why me. Why do I get this life. I think about this alot. Where I was born, who raised me, who I married, my kids, my house, my life - all really really over the top awesome. Don't get me wrong - we have issues. But when I step back and look at my life I just want to jump up and down giddy over the fact that God gave all of this to me. I have never gone a day without eating. I have a roof and an AWESOMELY comfy bed. Oh I love my bed. It could actually be a little sinful how I look forward to climbing in and sinking down into the squishy goodness...but I digress. My kids are all going to school, I can take them to the doctor whenever I want, I have a church family that I adore, and I'm pretty sure they love me right back(: I have all I could ever want and more. WHY? Well, the other day I remembered this time when I had ONE package of sidewalk chalk for the boys. I knew if I said it was for both of them that G would somehow manipulate D into surrendering it all to him and then he would hoard it. I'm not saying that to be mean - it's part of his illness. It is what it is. And for that reason I certainly couldn't say it was G's. So, I said it was for Daniel. Why? Because I knew he would gladly share it with his brother. And he did. Hmmmm.....

Sweet Moments

I have to admit I never thought I would have 5 kids. I thought foR a while we were done at 2, and then again at 3, and after 4 I thought we surely we're done. Only crazy people have more than that. But Jesus has a funny way of pointing you in the direction of crazy and saying, "alright now, move along". It could be walking on water, picking up and leaving the only home you've ever known, submitting yourself to jailings or tortures, or in our case, signing up to be foster parents. It was one of my "nevers" from back when I was dumb enough to have them. Just like I would "never" homeschool, and I would "never" cut all my hair off. Anway, I digress. I just have to share with you some sweet moments that could really only happen in a big family. Last Saturday I had put Baby Bean down for her nap, and quick ran to the bathroom cause that is the only time I get to go. I could hear her crying, which was odd cause she usually goes right to sleep, but I was a little busy. Then the crying stopped and I thought oh good she fell asleep. When I was done I went to check on her and from the hall I could hear Daniel, "I do not like green eggs and ham, I do not like them sam I am ." and I peak in and see Daniel sitting beside her crib on an overturned toy bin reading to her. She was sitting up and completely enthralled. It was adorable. The other one is Bean's morning hugs. Every Saturday or Sunday morning Bean and I are the first ones up. She eats, and I drink coffee until the next person thumps down the stairs. She immediately runs to them and hugs them this long drawn out sweet hug as if to say man I missed you and I love you so much. When she is done she is done, but we all savor it while it lasts. She continues this little ritual until every person in the family has gotten their morning hug. Makes for a sweet start to your day I tell ya!

I'm Lame, supplements are not.

I would like to delete the previous post. It is self indulgent and preachy - two things I hate. But it is where I was in that moment so I will leave it in the name of transparency - one thing I love.

I wanted to give a bit of an update on G and his supplements. The problem is, everytime I thought we had hit a huge milestone of DWF (days without fits) he would explode like crazy worse than ever. And that has sort of been the trend. Here is my non-scientific, eyes of a Mother, take on what is happening. I think they are helping to stabilize his mood. They are taking the edge off of what was probably a chemical imbalance that is now normalizing. Rages are still happening, in my opinion, for two main reasons. First is habit. He is used to dealing with things this way. And he can allow it to happen as a matter of choice even if chemically he should be able to cope in another way. These rages are easy to spot because they are sporadic and he will be completely lucid and in his "thinking brain" if you engage him. The second is attachment disorder. These are the really bad ones. They are the ones that he cannot stop and neither can we. They come when he feels shame - he did something wrong and got caught, he thinks we hate him, he hates himself etc etc. These are long, and loud and usually end in something being broken (not the least of which is my heart). These are the ones that attachment parenting can help, but it is a long road to healing. We are learning how to calm him, trying new things. The great thing about these supplements is that when he is not raging he is way more often acting like a regular kid. The fake, babyish, weird, socially inappropriate, odd stuff that we are so used to dealing with is starting to fade, and so it is so much easier to fill the black hole of emotional need. Cause, occasionally now we actually like the kid! So, basically I think they are absolutely helping to atleast peel away one of the many layers of crazy we are dealing with.

May

Several years ago I read "The Secret Life of Bees". There's this odd character in it named May. She's ...well, different. Fragile. Special. In almost every scene May must run away, to her crying wall. You see, May feels things more deeply. When she thought someone else was sad she took that sadness as her own. She cried and cried at her wall as she stuck their pain between it's cracks. When another character was presumed dead it was too much. May took her own life. The pain literally killed her.

Sometimes I feel like May. And I imagine all the characters in my life, still sitting around the kitchen table after I run away crying thinking, poor Heather. Poor naive girl. She wants to change the world. She thinks she can change the world. Or, she thinks she should change the world. Or she thinks she must change the world. But they would be wrong. I don't think any of those things.

My Dad thinks I do or think a certain way out of guilt. He's wrong. I don't feel guilty because I get to eat today. But while I am eating I can see a hungry child in my mind, that hasn't eaten for months and his body has begun to decay from the effects of kwashiorkor. I know he is in pain because his skin is cracking and bleeding and his is eating himself from the inside out. I want to hold him and comfort him and feed him. I don't feel guilty because I have a house, but it does remind me of the 100's of thousands still living in tent cities since the earthquake in Haiti. Don't you see, guilt has nothing to do with it! And it is cheap and belittling to think it does. People are hurting in this world. And I feel it. All. The Time. I see them trying to hold out the rain and mud from their tent while their baby cries because she is hungry and hot. If I close my eyes I can instantly be in a hospital in Cite Soleil watching a young first time mother labor alone on a blood covered floor. She is scared and in pain and no one has time or resources to help her because she is one of many who scream and labor and bleed. I feel THEM. Do you get the difference? I don't feel guilt. What a waste of energy. I feel the people, their humanity. When I read about an AIDS orphan dying alone and scared in an African orphanage there is no time for guilt. I feel outrage. I cry for him. I pray for him. I want to go to him. What if it was Daniel? What if Jason and I had already died of the disease and now he lay wasting away with no one to advocate for him? What good would guilt do??? No seriously. I'm asking y0u? Guilt, in my opinion, is an American luxury. And if you are indulging in it then you are wasting precious energy and resources. We have no time for guilt people. Stop feeling guilty and start feeling.

Love My Husband

Part of me loves him for doing what I would've wanted to do - chuck the football! But mostly I love him for taking the brunt of the rage that ensued. It was another half hour after my last post that G finally came back to reality. Jason stayed with him the whole time. In the end G apologized and so did J. I find the ability to parent a RAD kid very hot ;-) While J was with G, I was with the others reminding them that this was part of G's disability and talking about how one day this would be a funny story to tell. 'Hey remember that time G lost it and Dad threw his football into the woods?" Hehe(: On the agenda for tonight is a football hunting party...

This morning G was in penitent mode - got up and ready in record time, made me a "gift" (a paper cut out snowflake) which is his way of apologizing to me. I am thankful. Lots of RAD moms never get this part - they just keep getting the rages over and over and over and... I will take this any day. God is good to me, and I will keep looking to Him to fill me with His love so I can pour it out to this crazy crew of mine.

So close, so close and yet so far

After a quiet day with the kids at school they all came home and did homework without much ado. We had dinner and prepared to head out to the talent show in which the girls would sing one of their original songs and play guitar. As we prepared to head out I envisioned G making the night miserable. His jealousy over his sisters doing something well and getting accolades would surely rear its ugly head. His fidgeting during performances would likely be embarrassing. He would somehow, someway mess this up. I was a bit nervous. Thankfully Daddy stayed outside and played football with him while the boring PTA portion of the evening was going on and then they stepped in for the performances. All went well. The girls were amazing and beautiful and made me so stinkin' proud I could've popped. Everyone was coming up to them after to say what a great job they did and my heart swelled. I watched them graciously accept the praise and then quickly tell the other performershow wonderful they were. I silently thanked God for the precious gift of being their mom. G hung in there. In the parking lot we almost lost him when he fell off the car bumper and I chuckled (what? it was funny) as I said, "You ok bud?" He stormed off yelling that he hated me. Silly me, I know you can't laugh in the presence of a Radlet without their explicit permission. We loaded the crew and I went around the front whee G was sulking and said I was sorry. That I was not trying to be mean, it just looked a little funny. He smiled and Daddy offered to let him climb in by way of the sunroof. These are the silly things you do to get un-stuck. Thanks Corey for reminding me of Christine's videos. I watched several this afternoon! So, we were back on track! Everyone was happy and we decided to get ice-ream before heading home. Since we live in the only known mecca of trailers in parking lots serving treats we chose one of those figuring we couldn't break anything in a parking lot. We ordered ice cream. The boys threw the football. It was genuinely fun. Baby Girl sucked from a straw for the first time and was mad, crazy in love with Daddy's peanut butter shake. Good times had by all. As we walked back to the car I thought, wow a whole day without a melt down rage fest. A fun day. A family day where we were all together and things didn't fall apart. Yes, we're making progress. I can feel it. Dare I hope? Ahhh(:



Then the S**T hit the fan. Something (Lord only knows what!) happened in the backseat. G threw a football at D and D threw it back and hit him in the face - my best guess based on a compilation of eye witness accounts. G loses it completely starts yelling he hates everyone, kicking, screaming, head banging and WHOOSH a football goes flying past my head (as I am driving mind you). Daddy says, "What was that?" and as he finds it and realizes what just happened tossed it into the woods we were driving by. Whoops. Now if you have a Radlet you know that all hell will proceed to break loose. This was an hour ago and Daddy is still upstairs trying to calm a raging bull. I'm guessing Daddy may be regretting the ball toss, and G may even be regretting the ball toss. All moot point. The ball is gone. G is not OK with that. We will now suffer.



And so, I come to the familiar place of sadness when I had briefly let myself feel happy, normal, content, relaxed, and the rug was pulled out from under me. I hate this roller caoster that is my life. Some days I am good at bending my knees and remaining steady with the bumps, but today I got caught off guard. I leaned in and rested for a while and I got thrown off the freakin' track. Now how do I get back to a peaceful place before morning so I don't hold a big old grudge for him screwing everything up again? I guess I'm off to pray...



So. Close.

Retreat

I spent the most glorious day at the beach on Saturday. I took a little mommy getaway for the weekend. I sat in the sand and read from my new Kindle. I walked in the water. I felt the cool breeze and soaked in the warm sun. It was awesome. Even better was the realization that after about 24 hours of "me time" I am bored to tears and miss my kids like crazy. Thank goodness. It is so nice to confirm in my own heart and mind that I am exactly where I need to be doing exactly what I need to be doing. I love being a Mom. Even to G. It's nice to remember that.

Can't Hold It In....

any longer!!!!!

I have been stalling, delaying, waiting for paperwork and lawyers and courts, but I just can't wait anymore. I have to officially tell you our news.

This adorable, ornery, stubborn, delightfully loving red head is officially going to be #5. I can't believe how lucky I am to get to be this childs Mama.

She oozes love and joy from her pores. God is so good to us.

Low and Highs

Went to the PTA meeting last night and spoke with G's teacher. She said that G told her he didn't have time for homework because of church. I said I knew he would try that. Thankfully because she got my email she let him feel the consequences. Yesterday he was very eager to do his homework. She said, "well maybe that's all it took". I didn't have the heart to burst her bubble and just said, "I'll keep in close email contact with you." It's always fun to catch your child in a lie with his teacher right? Good times. I think I should scrapbook this moment. Do you think they have stickers for it?

On the flip side M and S tried out for the school talent show yesterday afternoon singing one of their original songs and playing guitar. The choir teacher came over to my car when I picked them up and gushed on and on about how talented they were. The girls were beaming. It was so cute. I think they have always heard how great they are from us, but you know, we have to say that cause we're family. But when adored choir director says it, it becomes a huge deal(: They are pretty special.

AND the baby had her appointment with the devopmental neurologist yesterday and she was the closest she's ever been to on target developmentally. She is 18 mos old and has some 15 mo. skills. She continues to wow the doctors. From blind and unresponsive to the absolute light of our lives. God has big plans for this girl, and lucky for us we get to watch it unfold!

Yesterday G refused to do his homework. I offered for TWO HOURS to help him, but no go. I reminded him we had church and I would be going to bed when we got home so I would be unavailable to help at that time. He said fine, he wasn't doing it. When Daddy got home he again was offered help and refused and again stated that he had decided that he wasn't doing it. I reminded him very clearly that whether it was done or not he did still have to go to school. He said he understood. All RAD moms are laughing at this point.

This morning he came down and went to the dining room table and started to work on it. I was nice. I let him and I brought him breakfast, but reminded him that we had to leave on time and so when (not if) it wasn't all done and we had to leave he should not pitch a fit.

He did.

Shocking I know. I should be so used to this by now. But sometimes his crazy is even crazier than I thought. As I ordered him out of the car and into school he was telling me how everything was all my fault and I never help him with anything and I am so mean yada yada yada. He got out crying and giving me the look of death. When I got home from morning appointments he was on the machine asking me to pick him up - I think. He was mumbling, probably so the adults around him couldn't hear that his excuse to call home was lame-ola. I sat down and typed an email to his teacher explaining that he had many chances to get his work done and whatever excuse he may have given her was a lie. What a fun email to write. Wonder what that teacher is thinking right now? I have to leave in 30 minutes to pick up the kids. I am praying for God to give me some beautiful pearl of wisdom on how to proceed with this kid. So. over. it.

I dread seeing the people at school. I have to remind myself that my child does not define me. I am a nice person. I am a good mom. It is not my job to prove this to others, just to be me and do the best I can. Thank the Lord for the other 4 - they prove we are atleast capable of raising reasonably normal children! I'm off...

Mirror

Sometimes it is good to see our own sin. I needed to see mine. Recently God has taken me down a little "what if..." trail and I followed him (even though I don't believe in hypothetical situations cause it's like lying to your brain.).

Well, I sort of followed Him. A couple of times he had to grab my hand and walk me over a fallen tree or help me wade some rough waters, but basically I went along. But it was hard, and it was PRETEND! So then I sat down with myself and studied my sinfulness. Which parts were hard to accept about the trail and why? Where did I lack faith? What if I had to walk that trail for real?? I'm a sinful, broken and selfish person and I am so thankful for the cross today. I don't want my faith to be hypothetical. I want it to be real. I want it to be so poweful that it could carry down that trail. Please Lord. I believe, but help my unbelief.

Data Points

My husband is an engineer. No stop, that wasn't a cry for help. I'm just prefacing. He judges everything in data points. No emotion, no subjectivity. (Atleast he thinks) So since we started this new supplement regimen for G he is always looking for data points. He (G, not my husband)got up on Sunday, got ready for church got in the car and endured two services with zero rages - data point. He watched me take 3 other kids to Target to spend their money and didn't once try to stop or sabotage it and then proceeded to NOT ask me if I got him anything when we came home. Data point. Last night he wouldn't go to sleep - was goofing and keeping his brother up. I moved D into our room and G proceeded to scream at us from upstairs for the next hour - yep HOUR. Data point. This morning woke up foul still steaming about last night (G, not me!) and started to sabotage the morning. Managed to get dressed and come downstairs anyway. Started breakfast and I put his vitamins in front of him (I blend them into OJ). He said he wasn't going to drink it. I mentioned his attitude has been so great lately and he seems truly happier and didn't he want to see if this could help keep that going. He said, "yeah but last night I was a jerk." Instead of saying "YEP, Jerko Supremo!" I said, "yeah, but that was one time in the middle of a bunch of really good days." He ate, drank, and chatted happily the rest of the morning. Got his stuff and headed off with a smile. DATA POINT!

Drugs, herbs, vitamins

Since Corey asked and I was just preparing to write on this...yes, we have started him on Niacin. We started it two weeks ago and have stayed at 500mg/day so far. We have noticed some improvement in the rage department, but we have seen good "spells" like this before so I am holding out judgement for now. At the advice of a local developmental pediatrician that specializes in treating autism and other similar neurological issues we have also started him on a supplement that is a combination of magnesium, zinc, 5HTP and a bunch of herbs that are supposed to ease anxiety and help with depression. Again, we do see improvement, but we'll see how long it lasts...

I have been trying to get an appointment with our local Psychiatric Clinic for 2 months now - it is unfuriating. They are so po dunk. If you aren't from the south that means - we live in a small town where people are used to not having stuff or services so when they are offered it is at the discretion of the offerer knowing that there are no other options so you will put up with their poor customer service and be grateful for whatever you get. Atleast, that's what it meant in this particular case in my sentence. I truly believe G needs something for his anxiety. He is a total basket case about EVERYTHING! It is only since his attachment has grown that he has been able to verbalize how extremely stressed he is about everything. He is starting to trust that we will do what we can to help. That is good, but also very exhausting because sometimes there is nothing we can do - we can't make school disappear for example. And then his attachment rage rears its ugly head because if we really loved him then doggone it we would figure out a way to fix this! It's a process. So, we are trying these supplements in the hopes that they will help his damaged little brain heal and figure out a way to just do normal things like get dressed and brush your teeth without melting into a puddle on the floor because it is so everwhelming and will take sooo looong and then everything fun will be over and life is so horrible and you wish you were never born and everything is ruined and why does everything have to be so hard and on and on and on...... And my therapeutic mommy brain is doing everything in its power to avoid saying something super smart like, "Just brush your freakin' teeth already." and is instead searching for something loving and supportive like, "can I help you? why don't I hold the tooth brush while you jump up and down" - insert smile and hope for levity and not an escalation - and pray for God to please help this child.

So, yeah we'll try Niacin and all that other stuff and whatever else we can get our hands on(:

One week down

Just sent the kids off to school for the last day of the first week. We did it. G was seriously working it this morning to get to stay home, but he clearly does not comprehend how gloriously quiet it is around here when he is gone! Mama WILL DO whatever it takes to get you out the door. I did notice something though. Since he stalled so long he was of course still frantically getting his stuff together as Daddy waited in the driveway. He couldn't find his clarinet. We searched and searched, but no luck. Normally at this point a full blown rage would be ensuing and he would be trapped with the reality that going without it meant trouble and not going meant trouble and these are the rock and a hard place scenarios that his brain just. cannot. deal . with! I said I would find it and drop it at school for him. And guess what - he said ok and told me his case was by the door....and he left! Got in the car! No screaming! This tells me two things. One, his frustration tolerance is improving. Two, he trusted me to actually bring it to school - which I did with wet hair and no makeup and baby in the car still in jammies(:

I will choose to focus on this and not on the pre-homework meltdown we all endured yesterday afternoon.

First Day Of School

My two middle schoolers and my gorgeous first grader. Looks great....but where's G? Oh, I remember - he was sulking and tired and moody. He will NEVER figure out his locker. EVERYONE in his class is a bully - he heard from a very reliable source not to be named. He is TIRED, perhaps because he was up til 11:00 tossing and fretting and screaming about aforementioned fears.

Well, maybe we can just sub someone in for him. Where's the baby? There you go.

Hmm, not working. She doesn't want to go to school. She wants breakfast. D is not amused. Two middle schoolers still trying to pull it off. Oh wait, here comes G.

Not sure which is less attractive. A one year old acting like a,...well...a one year old or a nine year old acting like a two year old. D is over it. Two middle schoolers discuss how cute and naive it was of Mom to think she could make this happen.

The good news is that everyone walked out the door without a complete and total meltdown, and by 'everyone' I mean G. And 'everyone' also got out of the car and walked into the school.

And everyone came home still in one piece, mastery of lockers and lunch rooms and making of new friends accomplished. Shew!

What Summer?

I cannot believe the kids are back to school in a week! This summer has been so busy and hectic I actually think that school will be quite a nice break. For me anyway! Until I have to put out a science project and stick my kids name on it, but that won't happen til around January. I have been spending time doing all sorts of fun stuff like going to allergy clinics for Gabe, PT, OT, and Speech for the baby, and orthodontics for Madeline and Sydney. Thank goodness Daniel is healthy!! We did hit the beach again for a week back in June with our all time best friends the Jacksons, but that seems like a lifetime ago. Here is a link to our beach slideshow. The song has zero meaning except that everytime we turned on the radio while we were there it was playing. Became sort of a running joke. Tomorrow we are off for four days in Williamsburg at my parents time share. Our last hurrah before school begins. Once the kids are back in school and I have time to talk I have so much to share(: Til then...

Small Steps, Big Happy

I've always said that one of the things I have grown to love about fostering special needs kids is the joy in the simple things. When your son with a cleft palate learns to pronounce "goal" or to drink from a straw you celebrate because you know he worked so very hard to get there. When your daughter with CP/microcephaly picks up a pizza crust and takes her first bite you cheer because she tried a million times before she got it. Special needs mean special victories, and they cause you to appreciate the mundane and see it as beautiful. I am learning to do this for my RADlet. I am (finally) convinced that his behaviour is caused by brain damage. We may never know how or why or from what, but nonetheless it happened. He CANNOT process things like other kids. So, when I get a not-fake smile from him I melt. When he not-fake offers to help or a hug I thank God that he is healing. When I see glimpses of the real true boy under all the pain and anger I am reminded how very much I love him and I'm thankful I fought for him. And I will continue to fight.

Revelation

I had a revelation the other day. At Katie's request (from over at The Journey), I was listening to one of the sermons by David Platt in his radical series. He was talking about how we have to love God in a superior way. Yes, we love people, our family, etc. but our love for them should be so puny in comparison to our love for the Lord. I don't know if this happens to you, but at this point although I was still listening to the sermon it was like God was preaching an entirely different one in my head. I started thinking about Haiti. I know, shocking. I thought about my trips to visit, and how I felt so alive and at peace when I was there. I thought about how I would cry every time the plane took off from Port Au Prince, how I would feel so homesick back in my pleasant suburban home. I would pour over my pictures and soak in the faces and scour youtube for video. A few brief seconds of creole or a rooster crowing above honking tap taps would bring a smile as I closed my eyes and pretended to be there. I could will myself to smell the burning trash, the fresh mango, the sweat. There has never been a doubt. I.Love.Haiti. I don't even know why really. I just am happiest when I am there. In the months and years after my time there I begged God to send us to Haiti. Naively to be sure, but sincerely nonetheless. I watched the Livesay's go, and I was jealous. I knew God would tell Jason if we were meant to go, but it never happened. At this point in God's little sermonette to me he simply says, "so, Heather, did I ever tell you to go to Haiti full time?" I knew the answer was no. I knew that the desire to go had always been about me. I wasn't wanting to go in obedience. I just wanted to be there. I loved Haiti. I loved the Haitian people. I loved how I felt when I was in Haiti. I. I. I. I. And God said that I had to love HIM more than I loved Haiti. Maybe, for me, the sacrifice to God was NOT going. Maybe for me, the sacrifice to God was staying in suburbia. Is that weird to anyone else? Well, it was for me too until I found that my ministry is RIGHT.HERE. More on that in my next post...

Maybe win a necklace+definitely help Haiti=Win Win

http://junkposse.blogspot.com/2010/02/heart-for-haiti-necklace-giveaway.html

BAD BAD UNICEF

http://www.thehowertons.blogspot.com/2010/01/prayers-for-ronel.html

LIVESAY'S NEED NURSES!!!!

http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2010/01/off-we-go-again.html

Heartline Update

Dear Heather,
We have a need for medical personel. See John's blog below




January 15, 7:34 PM
It has been a busy day as I have been out and about and trying to look after the various efforts of Heartline Ministries here in Haiti.
We as a group did meet this morning and we have decided to go ahead and on Monday open up a clinic to treat those who have yet to have their wounds and injuries cared for. I spoke to a couple of guys that live in the inner city area where our midwives go and they told me that there are still many just in his area that have not been treated. He as well told me that many of the bodies of those who have died are now just being discovered and that they are being placed in an empty field.
The plan then is for long time friend Dr. Tom McKnight from Niceville, Florida to arrive Sunday on an airplane coming in with doctors. He is bringing with him supplies and money to help purchase other supplies. We as well will gather as many supplies as possible and with other medical personnel treat those who have been injured in the earthquake. The clinic will be open 7/24 but we as yet are not certain of how many weeks we will run the clinic.
We are especially looking for those who have expertise in treating wounds and trauma. We expect to see broken bones and infected wounds and injuries due to being hit by cement blocks. If you are at all interested, please e-mail me and I will put you in touch with our contact person who in coordinating this effort in the States.
Our biggest concern is our ability to stay stocked up on the medical supplies that we will need. We as well have concern about how we can keep the electricity on as we have no city power and getting diesel for the generator is at this time not possible. Yet today when we met we sang, prayed, read God's word and talked and all were in agreement that we should do this. And so we have started to get the women's center ready and we will work feverishly to make this happen.
We can really use your financial help as we add this outreach to what we are already doing. You can donate by pressing here. THANK YOU FOR YOUR GENEROSITY!!!

We also have moved the children and nannies to the girls' home, which is the most secure of the two houses.

NOT GOOD NEWS

I, a couple of days ago, wrote about our friend Patrick who was trapped for 18 hours under or inside his house that had collapsed on him. Well both he and his wife, Barb were able to make it to the States where Barb had her leg amputated below the knee and where Patrick had his arm amputated. Patrick is now is serious condition with a collapsed lung and kidney failure. PLEASE PRAY!!!

THE STENCH OF DEATH

Today I was downtown and was amazed at the damage done to some of the government buildings and especially the National Palace. And clearly the stench of death permeated the air.

STARTING TO REBUILD

Today, even though we do not have a lot of cash to work with we were able to get 150 sacks or 6 tons of cement, and a couple hundred bars of steel and some other material for rebuilding the walls of the creches. We will need 3000 cement blocks and truck loads of sand and gravel, which we are not able to get yet as they are not available. We still have not been able to remove the debris which is spread across our street as there are no trucks available to haul it away. I was able to get the materials from a place near us where the owners, that I know well said, "John even if you had money we wouldn't take it; pay us in a couple of week." I am very grateful for their generosity.


Rubble from one of our broken walls

Dear Heather,
We have a need for medical personel. See John's blog below




January 15, 7:34 PM
It has been a busy day as I have been out and about and trying to look after the various efforts of Heartline Ministries here in Haiti.
We as a group did meet this morning and we have decided to go ahead and on Monday open up a clinic to treat those who have yet to have their wounds and injuries cared for. I spoke to a couple of guys that live in the inner city area where our midwives go and they told me that there are still many just in his area that have not been treated. He as well told me that many of the bodies of those who have died are now just being discovered and that they are being placed in an empty field.
The plan then is for long time friend Dr. Tom McKnight from Niceville, Florida to arrive Sunday on an airplane coming in with doctors. He is bringing with him supplies and money to help purchase other supplies. We as well will gather as many supplies as possible and with other medical personnel treat those who have been injured in the earthquake. The clinic will be open 7/24 but we as yet are not certain of how many weeks we will run the clinic.
We are especially looking for those who have expertise in treating wounds and trauma. We expect to see broken bones and infected wounds and injuries due to being hit by cement blocks. If you are at all interested, please e-mail me and I will put you in touch with our contact person who in coordinating this effort in the States.
Our biggest concern is our ability to stay stocked up on the medical supplies that we will need. We as well have concern about how we can keep the electricity on as we have no city power and getting diesel for the generator is at this time not possible. Yet today when we met we sang, prayed, read God's word and talked and all were in agreement that we should do this. And so we have started to get the women's center ready and we will work feverishly to make this happen.
We can really use your financial help as we add this outreach to what we are already doing. You can donate by pressing here. THANK YOU FOR YOUR GENEROSITY!!!

We also have moved the children and nannies to the girls' home, which is the most secure of the two houses.

NOT GOOD NEWS

I, a couple of days ago, wrote about our friend Patrick who was trapped for 18 hours under or inside his house that had collapsed on him. Well both he and his wife, Barb were able to make it to the States where Barb had her leg amputated below the knee and where Patrick had his arm amputated. Patrick is now is serious condition with a collapsed lung and kidney failure. PLEASE PRAY!!!

THE STENCH OF DEATH

Today I was downtown and was amazed at the damage done to some of the government buildings and especially the National Palace. And clearly the stench of death permeated the air.

STARTING TO REBUILD

Today, even though we do not have a lot of cash to work with we were able to get 150 sacks or 6 tons of cement, and a couple hundred bars of steel and some other material for rebuilding the walls of the creches. We will need 3000 cement blocks and truck loads of sand and gravel, which we are not able to get yet as they are not available. We still have not been able to remove the debris which is spread across our street as there are no trucks available to haul it away. I was able to get the materials from a place near us where the owners, that I know well said, "John even if you had money we wouldn't take it; pay us in a couple of week." I am very grateful for their generosity.



We hope by next week to stat to actually rebuild the wall. This is dependent on our being able to have the rubble hauled away and if we can buy sand and rocks.

Your prayers and support do matter and Heartline is making a difference!

Heartline Update - PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN!

Dear Heather,
You are receiving this newsletter as a supporter of Heartline Ministries. The board held an emergency meeting today to determine what steps need to be taken due to the enourmous needs created by the earthquake. We have had so many requests for help we wanted to clarify what we need.

First of all, we need prayer for Haiti and for safety of our people in Haiti.

Second, we are in great need of finances. Currently we have raised approximately $90,000 of earthquake relief funds. We are estimating that we will need around $200,000 to rebuild our facilities and help our workers rebuild their homes. Already the flow of donations has slowed down. We recognize that it will take more people knowing our need than our small base of supporters. We are asking each of you to spread the news of our need by forwarding this email and the information at left to as many people as possible.

For those that don't know, 100% of all funds that come in to Heartline Ministries are spent in Haiti. All state side expenses for administration are provided and performed by various individuals free of charge. The earthquake donations will go 100% to recovery and rebuilding. You can locate our financial information, tax returns and tax exempt information at our Financials and Donations web page.

We already have people with incredible experience in Haiti at facilities that are damaged but still functional that can provide immediate assistance to the Haitian people. All we need is the financial resources to do it. We have several doctors and nurses that will be at our facilities on Sunday to start a clinic.

In addition to emailing everyone you know, we have the following ideas:

Contact your local church and school to ask for prayer and financial support specifically for Heartline Ministries.

Contact your local press and provide information about Heartline and our need. If you are an adoptive parent, the press has been very interested in getting information for stories of how the earthquake is affecting our families.

If you know of any grants, government funding or other organizations that can provide funds please contact them and Tom White, our treasurer at tom.white@heartlineministries.org.

Haiti Precious Haiti

Oh Haiti, how I love and admire you. To those who I will not name (but some have the initials P.R.) who would dare insinuate that Haiti brought this on themselves, that somehow this is God's wrath poured out, to you I say, "God have mercy on YOU! and let he without sin cast the first stone!"

The precious woman that was pulled from the Carribean Market last night who had been trapped for 30 hours said she never stopped praying and thanks God.

When the family of the 2 year old boy pulled from the rubble this morning was asked how in the world he survived 3 days buried alone, they replied, "That's God! That is only God!"

On CNN a young man wanted to let his family in Orlando know that he was alive. He said, "I thank God for life. It is all I have, but I thank God."

Haiti, you who have suffered so much and endured so much I know you will survive. I know you will continue to pray and have faith as these your countrymen have done. I love you all. I am honored to watch you suffer with such love and dignity. I am honored to hold one of your precious treasures in my arms today. My sweet Daniel. I thank you for him. I thank you that he has your love and courage and honor coursing through his veins. I will do my best to raise him to honor you all. Precious Haiti, you have my prayers, you have my love, you have my respect. God be with you in the horrific days that are yet to come. God help you. God comfort you. God sustain you.

Heartline Update

Blog read our:
Archive
January 15

QUICK UPDATE
8:26 AM


The American children, 12 total, of the three families (Buxmans, Tluceks, Livsays) working with us were able to fly out of Haiti last night on a military flight to New Jersey. They were escorted out by visitors who as well left on the same flight.

We at the women's center have turned on the generator to give water to the neighbors.

Viola, one of the cell phone companies here in Haiti, is now working.
The Heartline Group will be meeting at 9:00 AM to pray, praise, review and plan. Please pray with and for us.
We do not yet know if Beth, Byron, and Morgan are able to come in today.
We will start to generate clean drinking water, with a system from Hay's Pure Water for All Foundation, which was given to us by the gracious people at World Wide Village, to give to those that do not have clean drinking water.

Leaving for our meeting.
Please pray!

John

Livesay Family Update

Best Wake Up Call Ever!


God is good!

This morning at 6:05 am we received a call that the Livesay children (Paige 15, Isaac 8, Hope 8, Noah 5 and Lydia 2) have been flown out of Haiti by the US Embassy. They are traveling with two beautiful adoptive moms (Kristin Howerton from California and Erin Lancer from New York).

The children will travel to Texas to be cared for by their older sister, Brittany Benard, and their grandparents, Randy and Carolyn Porter. Troy and Tara Livesay will remain in Haiti to continue relief efforts.

Their daughter, Phoebe - 3, and their niece, Annie - 2 (being adopted by Tara's sister and brother-in-law, Tina and Matt Cleary) are in the adoption process and do not have US passports to travel out of Haiti. Efforts are being made to expedite adoptions.

Please continue to pray for safety and provision for the Livesays - both in the US and in Haiti. Being separated will be very difficult for them, but having most of their "tribe" safe in the US is a huge releif for the family.

Praising God for all He is doing,

Randy & Pat Mortensen

Donations can be made via our website by clicking here:

Please mail checks to:

World Wide Village, Inc.
2515 White Bear Avenue, Suite A8-205
St. Paul, MN 55109

Donations received for earthquake relieve will be used solely for the recovery and rebuilding of Haiti.

Heartline Update

Dear Heather,
The following is John's latest blog. He is not able to prepare any emails as his time is needed to care for the children and people in our organization. check out the links at left for information. Please make people aware of our organization and need. Many people do not know where to donate and want their money to be used 100% in Haiti. All donations we receive for Earthquake relief will be used solely for recovery and rebuilding in Haiti.



HEARTLINE UPDATE
It has been a busy day trying to stay on top of things here at Heartline and to still have time to respond to emergencies.

We will tonight have about 15 people sleeping at our house as some simply have lost their homes and for others it is not safe to return because of structural damage.

We are starting to see people on the streets with their mouth and nose covered with a cloth or a mask as the stench of death is beginning to hang in the air. In our particular area it is not as bad as some places where bodies are stacked on the side of the road and still buried in rubble. Today as I was on the road, I was passed by a police pickup truck that was stacked with dead bodies.

I will not post any pictures of this and I assure you that a photo can not communicate the pain and despair that so many are feeling as we are now entering the days of discovery. These are the days when people discover that their homes have been destroyed or some of their missing friends, neighbors, and family have been killed. And some discover the joy of having found loved ones.

Some of the comments I have had spoken to me today by people that we are involved with are:
• I have had many friends die.
• Most of the houses in my area have been destroyed.
• My house has been destroyed
• I have no place to live and sleep; I am on the street.
• I can't find my...
• I can't believe the widespread destruction.
• My area has the bad smell of death.
• I have lost everything

One of our security guards can't even talk as he has lost his voice due to the shock of losing so many in his neighborhood.


HEARTLINE

My priority is the care of the children and the well being our other missionary families and of our workers.

The children are well and being cared for at the Buxman's home, where they are basically living outside as the children's homes are not yet secure. We are working to secure them but it is slow going as we can't even remove the rubble as there are no trucks on the road to cart away the debris and we also are not able to get supplies such as sand, rock, cement, steel as there are no trucks to transport the materials here and we do not have the cash to pay for the supplies. We have money in the bank, but we have no access to it as the banks are closed.

We as well have a responsibility to our incredible workers who still are coming to care for our children, in spite of some having lost their homes, family members, friends and neighbors. Yet they come because they love the children.

We also have a responsibility to the women in our women's program, who as it is live desperate lives. They are starting to trickle into the women's center with stories of having lost much or all that they had.

We expect to spend tens of thousands of dollars to have those who are directly involved with Heartline to rebuild their tiny one to two room homes or to help them secure new homes.

So many want to come and help but at this point it is not possible for you to get here and the best thing that you could do is to donate to help Heartline help others. It will be days perhaps until we have access to money You may press here or here to donate. Your generosity will help to help those who are so desperate. These are people that we personally know and are involved with regularly. Please imagine and multiply it over and over again, a woman with 5 children, no husband, and now no place to live. YOUR HELP MATTERS.

If you have written to me and I have not responded, please forgive me as I have been extremely busy.

I have received numerous requests from news organization to comment on the situation but have decided not to do so as many are already talking about what is happening here.

Thank you for your love, care, concern, and prayers.

We are doing our best to stay encouraged and to honor God by working hard to make a difference.

Endeavoring to be the hands of Christ in Haiti,

John McHoul
http://haiti-relief.org/
go to the above link to donate

CNN Report on LIvesay Family

http://www.cnn.com/2010/LIVING/01/14/haiti.bloggers.livesay/index.html?iref=allsearch

Beauty Will Rise

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=el-UboNj_nQ


More timely than ever.

Heartline Update

Below are updates John and others have provided via their blogs. Communication is difficult and they do not cell phone usage and the internet is only working occasionally. The number one need is money. Not only do we need to rebuild walls, but many of our employees (we employee approximately 100 people in various capacities) are now homeless and will need massive help rebuilding. Please donate at www.haiti-relief.com or www.heartlineministries.org. Materials are very difficult to find and everything that is needed is going to take money that we simply did not have yesterday. If you have specific questions please realize that John is not able to respond. You can contact tom.white@heartlineministries.org if you need specific information.

We have had lots of inquiries about traveling to Haiti to help. This is the only comment we have received on visitors: If you don't speak Creole/Kreyol and don't have the ability to work with injured people - you should NOT come. We cannot feed you and we don't have a place to house you.

See http://jmchoul.spaces.live.com/blog/ for John's blog.

World Wide Village Update

World Wide Village Incorporated



Haiti Update - 1/14/2010 - 7:30 am CT


After nearly 24 hours without communication to Haiti, we have received word:

The Livesay Family is fine!

Their house has power and water. The water is contaminated. However, in God's infinite wisdom and provision, just last month World Wide VIllage partnered with Pure Water for All (www.hayspurewaterforall.com) which provided us with water purification systems. Each system is capable of purifying water for up to 5000 people per day. We currently have several systems available for use and the Livesays are using it to purify water for their family and others in the area. Please consider a donation to purchase additional systems at a cost of $500 each.

Plans are underway to mobilize medical teams through the WWV Community Health Initiative to arrive in Haiti early next week or as soon as the airport is functional. Currently mobile "tent clinics" are operating with available medical personnel. Medical supplies are running low and our teams will take in as much as possible. In Tara's words, "It looks like half of Port au Prince needs some type of amputation. There are literally thousands of dead bodies stacked alongside the roads of the city." Please consider donating to purchase necessary medical supplies.

Please pray for health, stamina and direction for relief teams as they mobilize to go to Haiti.

Looking to God for direction,

Randy & Pat Mortensen

Donations can be made via our website by clicking here: I can't get the link to copy, but you can use my link to the right.

Please mail checks to:

World Wide Village, Inc.
2515 White Bear Avenue, Suite A8-205
St. Paul, MN 55109

What can we do?

SEND MONEY!

They do not need people hopping planes so that there are more bodies to feed and care for. They need money. Prices have already skyrocketed on basic supplies. Licia has over 70 children in her rescue center that need to be fed daily. Lori, I'm sure, is flying through medical supplies that will soon become scarce. If you want to give to Licia and Lori follow the link to the right. If you want to give to World Wide Village and the Livesay's follow the link to the right. Both are listed under 'if you have money to give do it here". I would trust both of these organizations with my last dime. They are doing good work with little overhead and truly helping the hurting RIGHT NOW! If you don't trust giving to them text 'haiti' to 90999 and it will be a $10 donation on your cell phone bill to Red Cross. Anything, seriouslyANYTHING, you are willing to give will help. PLEASE PLEASE HELP!!!!!

Helpless

I feel so ridiculously helpless. So many hurting and no real way for help to come. I feel sick. I imagine Mother's holding hungry and hurt babies not knowing if food or water will ever come. I see husbands outside homes in which their wives have died. The power of the devastation is overwhelming. My kids don't get the magnitude of it, but Gabe asked in the car on the way home from school, "Mom, was this God's will?" Daniel began to cry and said he wanted to go there. Me too little man, me too. A country I love, that so many love, and that holds so many precious people is throbbing with the aftershocks of extreme devastation, and I am supposed to go to dinner and then teach kids club at church. How exactly do I do that? Anything other than crying and wailing at this point is fake. And this is where faith becomes real. When there is no emotional payback and you must CHOOSE to believe that God is good and God is love. Right now I am empty and dead inside, but I am choosing to believe. And I am asking God to please have mercy, please show yourself in this, please help, please comfort.

"Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see." Many today are in the dark but hoping...

Update from Heartline

January 13 6 AM Earthquake Update

Tom White,
Treasurer
John asked that I forward on the following email he sent to me this morning. Please be in paryer. Thank God all our people and children are safe. Please consider a donation as we do not have the resources to handle this need. You can donate by going to http://www.heartlineministries.org and clicking on the Earthquake donation button in the Earthquake update section.

John McHoul

Quick Update

All the children are fine.

They and the night workers and e Tlucek clan stayed at the home of the Buxmans last night. They stayed in the yard due to the mant aftershocks that we had.

The main damage that we sustained was to the walls around the houses. The wall on allfour sides of the boys' house has collasped. There is significant damage to the wall on two sides of the girls' house and at the women's cenetr and at my house.

We. of course, have no city power and no water due to broken pipes.

The inside of all the houses are littered with broken glass, and whatever was on the shelves noe is on the floor.

This morning at 1:30 I accompanied Troy Livesay to Bring two of our medical people and some medical supplies to a friends place who had set up a clinic in the street to help the many, many who were injured due to falling cement blocks and debris.

Along the route so much seened normal and then we would hit stretches of severe damage and of houses and businesses completely destroyed. We saw car on the side of road crused by falling debris. The three story police station which is about three miles from our house is completely destroyed.

People were told not to sleep inside so the strrets were packed with people sleeping and sitting. It at times was difficlt to get by them.

We have started cleanup by piling up the falling walls to make some kind of security wall around the houses. I have hired some of the local guys to help with this.

Our plan is to at least get then girls' house secure and have all the kids stay there. But the nannies at this point are saying that they will not sleep inside. It is possible that all will spend another night in the Buxmans' yard.

We will work on securing food drinking water for the children.

Heartline and its people have been blessed to have sustained relatively minor damage, especially compared to others who have suffered the loss of homes and others who ave been injured and other who have lost loved and others their lives.

I understand that Port au Prince and the surrounding areas have in many places been destroyed. The picture of the damaged national palace perhaps is indicative of the condition of the country

Our greatest need is for money to rebuild the walls to secure the homes and to make various repairs. I know that this seems so minor compared to he loss that others have suffered.

Your prayer are greatly needed.

I will update later today when I have a chance to use the internet of others that work with us. Our internet is done.

John

Haiti's 9-11

Please, just pray for them. The home where I stayed when I went is completely collapsed. Thank God the boys that live there are out and safe. The Livesay's are safe. The McHouls are safe. Daniel's orphanage is safe. Don't know about the clinic in Cazale.

Just remember that without natural disaster this country was poor and hurting. They have no way to deal with this. They have no medical care to take care of the people who are injured. They have no fire dept to go out and rescue people from rubble. They have no money for food or water that is now in even more desperate need. I can't convey to you how completely devastating this is. I am wordlessly crying prayer to God to please have mercy, to please show himself in this and please help them. Please pray with me.

Natural Consequences

Gabe is always the last one in the car. Any time we have to be anywhere we all ALWAYS end up sitting there waiting for him to get "one more thing". It is annoying and rude and I have yet to figure out a way to make it stop short of driving away and leaving him at home which I think CPS would take issue with. In the morning before school is the worst - I mean he is seriously not motivated to get there anyway (and yes he does it even if we are going somewhere fun). The other kids who are ready and waiting and DON'T want to be late to school end up having to rush to class because he stalled. Last week with his therapist she mentioned something about secondary benefits or a pay off for certain of his behaviours. Not this one. But on Wednesday morning as he is the last one dressed and downstairs I can see it coming and it occurs to me - he likes being in charge of when everyone leaves. When everyone has to wait on him it makes him feel important. He KNOWS we can't go without him. So at breakfast I calmly say to Jason - when you guys are ready to go just head on out. I'll take Gabe whenever he's ready. Now let me also preface all of this by telling you that the night before we had talked about how he is always running behind and we were going to start getting all of his stuff packed up the night before, pick out all his clothes and in general leave nothing to do but eat and get dressed. Of course by the next morning what he picked out to wear wasn't his favorite or wasn't fitting right or whatever. And woudn't you know it, "oh yeah I need pictures for my star of the week poster". So, sure enough Jason heads out with all the kids. Gabe has just barely finished breakfast, has no shoes on and no pictures. I sit calmly with Sweat Pea drinking my coffee and say, "just let me know when you are ready to go, but just know that I am not going to write you a note to be excused for being late." He disappears to get stuff done. He starts complaining about his belt, that it isn't tight enough and I suggest he go get one of the 3 other belts in his drawer. He says he doesn't want to waste time going upstairs, but it makes perfect sense to him to start a search for the leather punch we use on the horse tack. Yes, this is the kind of crazy we live with(: I enjoy my coffee and let him look. He can't find it, gives up and goes to get pictures. He finds some and then heads upstairs, presumably to get one of those other elusive belts. At this point 20 minutes have passed since everyone left. He will not be late if we leave right now. I say nothing because I know if he knew that he would sabotage it. He says, ok let's go, so I calmly get the baby in her car seat, grab my coffee and head out. And we sit...for about five more minutes. I'm fine - I have coffee, and music. I am not stressed. I hear him yell for me from the back door, "MOOOOOOMMMMMM!" I roll down the window, "yes?" He screams with tears and all, "This belt is too tight!" I suggest that he could wear any of the other 5 pair of pants in his dresser that are self tightening and do not require a belt. He disappears. And we wait... Now he is late. He finally gets in (with a completely different pair of jeans on). I don't pull away quickly as I normally would when everyone had been waiting. I just calmly ask, "is that everything?" Yes "Do you have your pictures?" Yes "Do your pants feel good?" Yes "Can you think of anything else you might need?" No

By the time we pull up to the school and he sees that the usual car rider line is gone and he must go in the front door he starts crying. All of a sudden he doesn't feel good, he is going to be sick. I tell him that surely if he throws up in school the nurse will call me and I will come and get him. Finally, he is honest, "I don't want to go in crying!" And I say, "well pull yourself together, you have everything you need, your pants feel good and you probably only missed morning seat work." At this point he looks really pitiful and I actually am starting to want to rescue him. He gets out and walks in. He looked so small and sad walking in there all by himself, but I refused to go in and make an excuse for him. It was HARD. When I got home I emailed his teacher and told her it was an unexcused tardy and that we were trying to let him experience some natural consequences.

This morning he was the first one in the car.

Question

Does God ever say, "meh" or, "I could go either way."?

I'm reading a book right now the gist of which is to purposefully do all things to please God. So, as I go about my day I am to ask myself, "does this please the Lord?" I get the idea, and I don't disagree. But I do wonder if God really is concerned about every little thing I do or say. I mean, on the one hand I know He cares because he loves me and created me and has a beautiful plan for me, but does he care if I put mascara on one day or what kind of car I drive or if my toilet is clean or any number of other mundane things that happen in a day? I certainly don't want to do things that I know would displease him, but can some things be just neutral or does everything boiled down, at its core, have some moral significance? What do you think?

Other Blog

Been posting a bit over at my other blog if you want to follow along.
http://www.lovehopes.wordpress.com