Monday, September 13, 2010

So close, so close and yet so far

After a quiet day with the kids at school they all came home and did homework without much ado. We had dinner and prepared to head out to the talent show in which the girls would sing one of their original songs and play guitar. As we prepared to head out I envisioned G making the night miserable. His jealousy over his sisters doing something well and getting accolades would surely rear its ugly head. His fidgeting during performances would likely be embarrassing. He would somehow, someway mess this up. I was a bit nervous. Thankfully Daddy stayed outside and played football with him while the boring PTA portion of the evening was going on and then they stepped in for the performances. All went well. The girls were amazing and beautiful and made me so stinkin' proud I could've popped. Everyone was coming up to them after to say what a great job they did and my heart swelled. I watched them graciously accept the praise and then quickly tell the other performershow wonderful they were. I silently thanked God for the precious gift of being their mom. G hung in there. In the parking lot we almost lost him when he fell off the car bumper and I chuckled (what? it was funny) as I said, "You ok bud?" He stormed off yelling that he hated me. Silly me, I know you can't laugh in the presence of a Radlet without their explicit permission. We loaded the crew and I went around the front whee G was sulking and said I was sorry. That I was not trying to be mean, it just looked a little funny. He smiled and Daddy offered to let him climb in by way of the sunroof. These are the silly things you do to get un-stuck. Thanks Corey for reminding me of Christine's videos. I watched several this afternoon! So, we were back on track! Everyone was happy and we decided to get ice-ream before heading home. Since we live in the only known mecca of trailers in parking lots serving treats we chose one of those figuring we couldn't break anything in a parking lot. We ordered ice cream. The boys threw the football. It was genuinely fun. Baby Girl sucked from a straw for the first time and was mad, crazy in love with Daddy's peanut butter shake. Good times had by all. As we walked back to the car I thought, wow a whole day without a melt down rage fest. A fun day. A family day where we were all together and things didn't fall apart. Yes, we're making progress. I can feel it. Dare I hope? Ahhh(:

Then the S**T hit the fan. Something (Lord only knows what!) happened in the backseat. G threw a football at D and D threw it back and hit him in the face - my best guess based on a compilation of eye witness accounts. G loses it completely starts yelling he hates everyone, kicking, screaming, head banging and WHOOSH a football goes flying past my head (as I am driving mind you). Daddy says, "What was that?" and as he finds it and realizes what just happened tossed it into the woods we were driving by. Whoops. Now if you have a Radlet you know that all hell will proceed to break loose. This was an hour ago and Daddy is still upstairs trying to calm a raging bull. I'm guessing Daddy may be regretting the ball toss, and G may even be regretting the ball toss. All moot point. The ball is gone. G is not OK with that. We will now suffer.

And so, I come to the familiar place of sadness when I had briefly let myself feel happy, normal, content, relaxed, and the rug was pulled out from under me. I hate this roller caoster that is my life. Some days I am good at bending my knees and remaining steady with the bumps, but today I got caught off guard. I leaned in and rested for a while and I got thrown off the freakin' track. Now how do I get back to a peaceful place before morning so I don't hold a big old grudge for him screwing everything up again? I guess I'm off to pray...

So. Close.


Lindsay said...

Heather... It sounds like your life is a roller coaster on more days that it isn't. Glad this latest episode was preceded by your retreat. Also glad that you're married to such a super not perfect but wonderful and supportive husband and father. Love to you and the family.

Corey said...


Ah yes, this reminds me of the ancient Chinese proverb:

Boy who throws football in vehicle loses football out window.

Closely associated with:

Better to throw football out window than boy.

You are wise beyond your years, Mama-san.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming, swimming, swimming..

Heather said...

Corey, You are stinkin hilarious. if I could have your voice as a running monologue in my head all this would feel so much more like a sarcastic sitcom and so much less like crazy.
love you