I'm Lame, supplements are not.

I would like to delete the previous post. It is self indulgent and preachy - two things I hate. But it is where I was in that moment so I will leave it in the name of transparency - one thing I love.

I wanted to give a bit of an update on G and his supplements. The problem is, everytime I thought we had hit a huge milestone of DWF (days without fits) he would explode like crazy worse than ever. And that has sort of been the trend. Here is my non-scientific, eyes of a Mother, take on what is happening. I think they are helping to stabilize his mood. They are taking the edge off of what was probably a chemical imbalance that is now normalizing. Rages are still happening, in my opinion, for two main reasons. First is habit. He is used to dealing with things this way. And he can allow it to happen as a matter of choice even if chemically he should be able to cope in another way. These rages are easy to spot because they are sporadic and he will be completely lucid and in his "thinking brain" if you engage him. The second is attachment disorder. These are the really bad ones. They are the ones that he cannot stop and neither can we. They come when he feels shame - he did something wrong and got caught, he thinks we hate him, he hates himself etc etc. These are long, and loud and usually end in something being broken (not the least of which is my heart). These are the ones that attachment parenting can help, but it is a long road to healing. We are learning how to calm him, trying new things. The great thing about these supplements is that when he is not raging he is way more often acting like a regular kid. The fake, babyish, weird, socially inappropriate, odd stuff that we are so used to dealing with is starting to fade, and so it is so much easier to fill the black hole of emotional need. Cause, occasionally now we actually like the kid! So, basically I think they are absolutely helping to atleast peel away one of the many layers of crazy we are dealing with.

May

Several years ago I read "The Secret Life of Bees". There's this odd character in it named May. She's ...well, different. Fragile. Special. In almost every scene May must run away, to her crying wall. You see, May feels things more deeply. When she thought someone else was sad she took that sadness as her own. She cried and cried at her wall as she stuck their pain between it's cracks. When another character was presumed dead it was too much. May took her own life. The pain literally killed her.

Sometimes I feel like May. And I imagine all the characters in my life, still sitting around the kitchen table after I run away crying thinking, poor Heather. Poor naive girl. She wants to change the world. She thinks she can change the world. Or, she thinks she should change the world. Or she thinks she must change the world. But they would be wrong. I don't think any of those things.

My Dad thinks I do or think a certain way out of guilt. He's wrong. I don't feel guilty because I get to eat today. But while I am eating I can see a hungry child in my mind, that hasn't eaten for months and his body has begun to decay from the effects of kwashiorkor. I know he is in pain because his skin is cracking and bleeding and his is eating himself from the inside out. I want to hold him and comfort him and feed him. I don't feel guilty because I have a house, but it does remind me of the 100's of thousands still living in tent cities since the earthquake in Haiti. Don't you see, guilt has nothing to do with it! And it is cheap and belittling to think it does. People are hurting in this world. And I feel it. All. The Time. I see them trying to hold out the rain and mud from their tent while their baby cries because she is hungry and hot. If I close my eyes I can instantly be in a hospital in Cite Soleil watching a young first time mother labor alone on a blood covered floor. She is scared and in pain and no one has time or resources to help her because she is one of many who scream and labor and bleed. I feel THEM. Do you get the difference? I don't feel guilt. What a waste of energy. I feel the people, their humanity. When I read about an AIDS orphan dying alone and scared in an African orphanage there is no time for guilt. I feel outrage. I cry for him. I pray for him. I want to go to him. What if it was Daniel? What if Jason and I had already died of the disease and now he lay wasting away with no one to advocate for him? What good would guilt do??? No seriously. I'm asking y0u? Guilt, in my opinion, is an American luxury. And if you are indulging in it then you are wasting precious energy and resources. We have no time for guilt people. Stop feeling guilty and start feeling.

Love My Husband

Part of me loves him for doing what I would've wanted to do - chuck the football! But mostly I love him for taking the brunt of the rage that ensued. It was another half hour after my last post that G finally came back to reality. Jason stayed with him the whole time. In the end G apologized and so did J. I find the ability to parent a RAD kid very hot ;-) While J was with G, I was with the others reminding them that this was part of G's disability and talking about how one day this would be a funny story to tell. 'Hey remember that time G lost it and Dad threw his football into the woods?" Hehe(: On the agenda for tonight is a football hunting party...

This morning G was in penitent mode - got up and ready in record time, made me a "gift" (a paper cut out snowflake) which is his way of apologizing to me. I am thankful. Lots of RAD moms never get this part - they just keep getting the rages over and over and over and... I will take this any day. God is good to me, and I will keep looking to Him to fill me with His love so I can pour it out to this crazy crew of mine.

So close, so close and yet so far

After a quiet day with the kids at school they all came home and did homework without much ado. We had dinner and prepared to head out to the talent show in which the girls would sing one of their original songs and play guitar. As we prepared to head out I envisioned G making the night miserable. His jealousy over his sisters doing something well and getting accolades would surely rear its ugly head. His fidgeting during performances would likely be embarrassing. He would somehow, someway mess this up. I was a bit nervous. Thankfully Daddy stayed outside and played football with him while the boring PTA portion of the evening was going on and then they stepped in for the performances. All went well. The girls were amazing and beautiful and made me so stinkin' proud I could've popped. Everyone was coming up to them after to say what a great job they did and my heart swelled. I watched them graciously accept the praise and then quickly tell the other performershow wonderful they were. I silently thanked God for the precious gift of being their mom. G hung in there. In the parking lot we almost lost him when he fell off the car bumper and I chuckled (what? it was funny) as I said, "You ok bud?" He stormed off yelling that he hated me. Silly me, I know you can't laugh in the presence of a Radlet without their explicit permission. We loaded the crew and I went around the front whee G was sulking and said I was sorry. That I was not trying to be mean, it just looked a little funny. He smiled and Daddy offered to let him climb in by way of the sunroof. These are the silly things you do to get un-stuck. Thanks Corey for reminding me of Christine's videos. I watched several this afternoon! So, we were back on track! Everyone was happy and we decided to get ice-ream before heading home. Since we live in the only known mecca of trailers in parking lots serving treats we chose one of those figuring we couldn't break anything in a parking lot. We ordered ice cream. The boys threw the football. It was genuinely fun. Baby Girl sucked from a straw for the first time and was mad, crazy in love with Daddy's peanut butter shake. Good times had by all. As we walked back to the car I thought, wow a whole day without a melt down rage fest. A fun day. A family day where we were all together and things didn't fall apart. Yes, we're making progress. I can feel it. Dare I hope? Ahhh(:



Then the S**T hit the fan. Something (Lord only knows what!) happened in the backseat. G threw a football at D and D threw it back and hit him in the face - my best guess based on a compilation of eye witness accounts. G loses it completely starts yelling he hates everyone, kicking, screaming, head banging and WHOOSH a football goes flying past my head (as I am driving mind you). Daddy says, "What was that?" and as he finds it and realizes what just happened tossed it into the woods we were driving by. Whoops. Now if you have a Radlet you know that all hell will proceed to break loose. This was an hour ago and Daddy is still upstairs trying to calm a raging bull. I'm guessing Daddy may be regretting the ball toss, and G may even be regretting the ball toss. All moot point. The ball is gone. G is not OK with that. We will now suffer.



And so, I come to the familiar place of sadness when I had briefly let myself feel happy, normal, content, relaxed, and the rug was pulled out from under me. I hate this roller caoster that is my life. Some days I am good at bending my knees and remaining steady with the bumps, but today I got caught off guard. I leaned in and rested for a while and I got thrown off the freakin' track. Now how do I get back to a peaceful place before morning so I don't hold a big old grudge for him screwing everything up again? I guess I'm off to pray...



So. Close.

Retreat

I spent the most glorious day at the beach on Saturday. I took a little mommy getaway for the weekend. I sat in the sand and read from my new Kindle. I walked in the water. I felt the cool breeze and soaked in the warm sun. It was awesome. Even better was the realization that after about 24 hours of "me time" I am bored to tears and miss my kids like crazy. Thank goodness. It is so nice to confirm in my own heart and mind that I am exactly where I need to be doing exactly what I need to be doing. I love being a Mom. Even to G. It's nice to remember that.

Can't Hold It In....

any longer!!!!!

I have been stalling, delaying, waiting for paperwork and lawyers and courts, but I just can't wait anymore. I have to officially tell you our news.

This adorable, ornery, stubborn, delightfully loving red head is officially going to be #5. I can't believe how lucky I am to get to be this childs Mama.

She oozes love and joy from her pores. God is so good to us.

Low and Highs

Went to the PTA meeting last night and spoke with G's teacher. She said that G told her he didn't have time for homework because of church. I said I knew he would try that. Thankfully because she got my email she let him feel the consequences. Yesterday he was very eager to do his homework. She said, "well maybe that's all it took". I didn't have the heart to burst her bubble and just said, "I'll keep in close email contact with you." It's always fun to catch your child in a lie with his teacher right? Good times. I think I should scrapbook this moment. Do you think they have stickers for it?

On the flip side M and S tried out for the school talent show yesterday afternoon singing one of their original songs and playing guitar. The choir teacher came over to my car when I picked them up and gushed on and on about how talented they were. The girls were beaming. It was so cute. I think they have always heard how great they are from us, but you know, we have to say that cause we're family. But when adored choir director says it, it becomes a huge deal(: They are pretty special.

AND the baby had her appointment with the devopmental neurologist yesterday and she was the closest she's ever been to on target developmentally. She is 18 mos old and has some 15 mo. skills. She continues to wow the doctors. From blind and unresponsive to the absolute light of our lives. God has big plans for this girl, and lucky for us we get to watch it unfold!

Yesterday G refused to do his homework. I offered for TWO HOURS to help him, but no go. I reminded him we had church and I would be going to bed when we got home so I would be unavailable to help at that time. He said fine, he wasn't doing it. When Daddy got home he again was offered help and refused and again stated that he had decided that he wasn't doing it. I reminded him very clearly that whether it was done or not he did still have to go to school. He said he understood. All RAD moms are laughing at this point.

This morning he came down and went to the dining room table and started to work on it. I was nice. I let him and I brought him breakfast, but reminded him that we had to leave on time and so when (not if) it wasn't all done and we had to leave he should not pitch a fit.

He did.

Shocking I know. I should be so used to this by now. But sometimes his crazy is even crazier than I thought. As I ordered him out of the car and into school he was telling me how everything was all my fault and I never help him with anything and I am so mean yada yada yada. He got out crying and giving me the look of death. When I got home from morning appointments he was on the machine asking me to pick him up - I think. He was mumbling, probably so the adults around him couldn't hear that his excuse to call home was lame-ola. I sat down and typed an email to his teacher explaining that he had many chances to get his work done and whatever excuse he may have given her was a lie. What a fun email to write. Wonder what that teacher is thinking right now? I have to leave in 30 minutes to pick up the kids. I am praying for God to give me some beautiful pearl of wisdom on how to proceed with this kid. So. over. it.

I dread seeing the people at school. I have to remind myself that my child does not define me. I am a nice person. I am a good mom. It is not my job to prove this to others, just to be me and do the best I can. Thank the Lord for the other 4 - they prove we are atleast capable of raising reasonably normal children! I'm off...

Mirror

Sometimes it is good to see our own sin. I needed to see mine. Recently God has taken me down a little "what if..." trail and I followed him (even though I don't believe in hypothetical situations cause it's like lying to your brain.).

Well, I sort of followed Him. A couple of times he had to grab my hand and walk me over a fallen tree or help me wade some rough waters, but basically I went along. But it was hard, and it was PRETEND! So then I sat down with myself and studied my sinfulness. Which parts were hard to accept about the trail and why? Where did I lack faith? What if I had to walk that trail for real?? I'm a sinful, broken and selfish person and I am so thankful for the cross today. I don't want my faith to be hypothetical. I want it to be real. I want it to be so poweful that it could carry down that trail. Please Lord. I believe, but help my unbelief.

Data Points

My husband is an engineer. No stop, that wasn't a cry for help. I'm just prefacing. He judges everything in data points. No emotion, no subjectivity. (Atleast he thinks) So since we started this new supplement regimen for G he is always looking for data points. He (G, not my husband)got up on Sunday, got ready for church got in the car and endured two services with zero rages - data point. He watched me take 3 other kids to Target to spend their money and didn't once try to stop or sabotage it and then proceeded to NOT ask me if I got him anything when we came home. Data point. Last night he wouldn't go to sleep - was goofing and keeping his brother up. I moved D into our room and G proceeded to scream at us from upstairs for the next hour - yep HOUR. Data point. This morning woke up foul still steaming about last night (G, not me!) and started to sabotage the morning. Managed to get dressed and come downstairs anyway. Started breakfast and I put his vitamins in front of him (I blend them into OJ). He said he wasn't going to drink it. I mentioned his attitude has been so great lately and he seems truly happier and didn't he want to see if this could help keep that going. He said, "yeah but last night I was a jerk." Instead of saying "YEP, Jerko Supremo!" I said, "yeah, but that was one time in the middle of a bunch of really good days." He ate, drank, and chatted happily the rest of the morning. Got his stuff and headed off with a smile. DATA POINT!

Drugs, herbs, vitamins

Since Corey asked and I was just preparing to write on this...yes, we have started him on Niacin. We started it two weeks ago and have stayed at 500mg/day so far. We have noticed some improvement in the rage department, but we have seen good "spells" like this before so I am holding out judgement for now. At the advice of a local developmental pediatrician that specializes in treating autism and other similar neurological issues we have also started him on a supplement that is a combination of magnesium, zinc, 5HTP and a bunch of herbs that are supposed to ease anxiety and help with depression. Again, we do see improvement, but we'll see how long it lasts...

I have been trying to get an appointment with our local Psychiatric Clinic for 2 months now - it is unfuriating. They are so po dunk. If you aren't from the south that means - we live in a small town where people are used to not having stuff or services so when they are offered it is at the discretion of the offerer knowing that there are no other options so you will put up with their poor customer service and be grateful for whatever you get. Atleast, that's what it meant in this particular case in my sentence. I truly believe G needs something for his anxiety. He is a total basket case about EVERYTHING! It is only since his attachment has grown that he has been able to verbalize how extremely stressed he is about everything. He is starting to trust that we will do what we can to help. That is good, but also very exhausting because sometimes there is nothing we can do - we can't make school disappear for example. And then his attachment rage rears its ugly head because if we really loved him then doggone it we would figure out a way to fix this! It's a process. So, we are trying these supplements in the hopes that they will help his damaged little brain heal and figure out a way to just do normal things like get dressed and brush your teeth without melting into a puddle on the floor because it is so everwhelming and will take sooo looong and then everything fun will be over and life is so horrible and you wish you were never born and everything is ruined and why does everything have to be so hard and on and on and on...... And my therapeutic mommy brain is doing everything in its power to avoid saying something super smart like, "Just brush your freakin' teeth already." and is instead searching for something loving and supportive like, "can I help you? why don't I hold the tooth brush while you jump up and down" - insert smile and hope for levity and not an escalation - and pray for God to please help this child.

So, yeah we'll try Niacin and all that other stuff and whatever else we can get our hands on(:

One week down

Just sent the kids off to school for the last day of the first week. We did it. G was seriously working it this morning to get to stay home, but he clearly does not comprehend how gloriously quiet it is around here when he is gone! Mama WILL DO whatever it takes to get you out the door. I did notice something though. Since he stalled so long he was of course still frantically getting his stuff together as Daddy waited in the driveway. He couldn't find his clarinet. We searched and searched, but no luck. Normally at this point a full blown rage would be ensuing and he would be trapped with the reality that going without it meant trouble and not going meant trouble and these are the rock and a hard place scenarios that his brain just. cannot. deal . with! I said I would find it and drop it at school for him. And guess what - he said ok and told me his case was by the door....and he left! Got in the car! No screaming! This tells me two things. One, his frustration tolerance is improving. Two, he trusted me to actually bring it to school - which I did with wet hair and no makeup and baby in the car still in jammies(:

I will choose to focus on this and not on the pre-homework meltdown we all endured yesterday afternoon.

First Day Of School

My two middle schoolers and my gorgeous first grader. Looks great....but where's G? Oh, I remember - he was sulking and tired and moody. He will NEVER figure out his locker. EVERYONE in his class is a bully - he heard from a very reliable source not to be named. He is TIRED, perhaps because he was up til 11:00 tossing and fretting and screaming about aforementioned fears.

Well, maybe we can just sub someone in for him. Where's the baby? There you go.

Hmm, not working. She doesn't want to go to school. She wants breakfast. D is not amused. Two middle schoolers still trying to pull it off. Oh wait, here comes G.

Not sure which is less attractive. A one year old acting like a,...well...a one year old or a nine year old acting like a two year old. D is over it. Two middle schoolers discuss how cute and naive it was of Mom to think she could make this happen.

The good news is that everyone walked out the door without a complete and total meltdown, and by 'everyone' I mean G. And 'everyone' also got out of the car and walked into the school.

And everyone came home still in one piece, mastery of lockers and lunch rooms and making of new friends accomplished. Shew!

What Summer?

I cannot believe the kids are back to school in a week! This summer has been so busy and hectic I actually think that school will be quite a nice break. For me anyway! Until I have to put out a science project and stick my kids name on it, but that won't happen til around January. I have been spending time doing all sorts of fun stuff like going to allergy clinics for Gabe, PT, OT, and Speech for the baby, and orthodontics for Madeline and Sydney. Thank goodness Daniel is healthy!! We did hit the beach again for a week back in June with our all time best friends the Jacksons, but that seems like a lifetime ago. Here is a link to our beach slideshow. The song has zero meaning except that everytime we turned on the radio while we were there it was playing. Became sort of a running joke. Tomorrow we are off for four days in Williamsburg at my parents time share. Our last hurrah before school begins. Once the kids are back in school and I have time to talk I have so much to share(: Til then...

Small Steps, Big Happy

I've always said that one of the things I have grown to love about fostering special needs kids is the joy in the simple things. When your son with a cleft palate learns to pronounce "goal" or to drink from a straw you celebrate because you know he worked so very hard to get there. When your daughter with CP/microcephaly picks up a pizza crust and takes her first bite you cheer because she tried a million times before she got it. Special needs mean special victories, and they cause you to appreciate the mundane and see it as beautiful. I am learning to do this for my RADlet. I am (finally) convinced that his behaviour is caused by brain damage. We may never know how or why or from what, but nonetheless it happened. He CANNOT process things like other kids. So, when I get a not-fake smile from him I melt. When he not-fake offers to help or a hug I thank God that he is healing. When I see glimpses of the real true boy under all the pain and anger I am reminded how very much I love him and I'm thankful I fought for him. And I will continue to fight.

Revelation

I had a revelation the other day. At Katie's request (from over at The Journey), I was listening to one of the sermons by David Platt in his radical series. He was talking about how we have to love God in a superior way. Yes, we love people, our family, etc. but our love for them should be so puny in comparison to our love for the Lord. I don't know if this happens to you, but at this point although I was still listening to the sermon it was like God was preaching an entirely different one in my head. I started thinking about Haiti. I know, shocking. I thought about my trips to visit, and how I felt so alive and at peace when I was there. I thought about how I would cry every time the plane took off from Port Au Prince, how I would feel so homesick back in my pleasant suburban home. I would pour over my pictures and soak in the faces and scour youtube for video. A few brief seconds of creole or a rooster crowing above honking tap taps would bring a smile as I closed my eyes and pretended to be there. I could will myself to smell the burning trash, the fresh mango, the sweat. There has never been a doubt. I.Love.Haiti. I don't even know why really. I just am happiest when I am there. In the months and years after my time there I begged God to send us to Haiti. Naively to be sure, but sincerely nonetheless. I watched the Livesay's go, and I was jealous. I knew God would tell Jason if we were meant to go, but it never happened. At this point in God's little sermonette to me he simply says, "so, Heather, did I ever tell you to go to Haiti full time?" I knew the answer was no. I knew that the desire to go had always been about me. I wasn't wanting to go in obedience. I just wanted to be there. I loved Haiti. I loved the Haitian people. I loved how I felt when I was in Haiti. I. I. I. I. And God said that I had to love HIM more than I loved Haiti. Maybe, for me, the sacrifice to God was NOT going. Maybe for me, the sacrifice to God was staying in suburbia. Is that weird to anyone else? Well, it was for me too until I found that my ministry is RIGHT.HERE. More on that in my next post...

Maybe win a necklace+definitely help Haiti=Win Win

http://junkposse.blogspot.com/2010/02/heart-for-haiti-necklace-giveaway.html

BAD BAD UNICEF

http://www.thehowertons.blogspot.com/2010/01/prayers-for-ronel.html

LIVESAY'S NEED NURSES!!!!

http://livesayhaiti.blogspot.com/2010/01/off-we-go-again.html

Heartline Update

Dear Heather,
We have a need for medical personel. See John's blog below




January 15, 7:34 PM
It has been a busy day as I have been out and about and trying to look after the various efforts of Heartline Ministries here in Haiti.
We as a group did meet this morning and we have decided to go ahead and on Monday open up a clinic to treat those who have yet to have their wounds and injuries cared for. I spoke to a couple of guys that live in the inner city area where our midwives go and they told me that there are still many just in his area that have not been treated. He as well told me that many of the bodies of those who have died are now just being discovered and that they are being placed in an empty field.
The plan then is for long time friend Dr. Tom McKnight from Niceville, Florida to arrive Sunday on an airplane coming in with doctors. He is bringing with him supplies and money to help purchase other supplies. We as well will gather as many supplies as possible and with other medical personnel treat those who have been injured in the earthquake. The clinic will be open 7/24 but we as yet are not certain of how many weeks we will run the clinic.
We are especially looking for those who have expertise in treating wounds and trauma. We expect to see broken bones and infected wounds and injuries due to being hit by cement blocks. If you are at all interested, please e-mail me and I will put you in touch with our contact person who in coordinating this effort in the States.
Our biggest concern is our ability to stay stocked up on the medical supplies that we will need. We as well have concern about how we can keep the electricity on as we have no city power and getting diesel for the generator is at this time not possible. Yet today when we met we sang, prayed, read God's word and talked and all were in agreement that we should do this. And so we have started to get the women's center ready and we will work feverishly to make this happen.
We can really use your financial help as we add this outreach to what we are already doing. You can donate by pressing here. THANK YOU FOR YOUR GENEROSITY!!!

We also have moved the children and nannies to the girls' home, which is the most secure of the two houses.

NOT GOOD NEWS

I, a couple of days ago, wrote about our friend Patrick who was trapped for 18 hours under or inside his house that had collapsed on him. Well both he and his wife, Barb were able to make it to the States where Barb had her leg amputated below the knee and where Patrick had his arm amputated. Patrick is now is serious condition with a collapsed lung and kidney failure. PLEASE PRAY!!!

THE STENCH OF DEATH

Today I was downtown and was amazed at the damage done to some of the government buildings and especially the National Palace. And clearly the stench of death permeated the air.

STARTING TO REBUILD

Today, even though we do not have a lot of cash to work with we were able to get 150 sacks or 6 tons of cement, and a couple hundred bars of steel and some other material for rebuilding the walls of the creches. We will need 3000 cement blocks and truck loads of sand and gravel, which we are not able to get yet as they are not available. We still have not been able to remove the debris which is spread across our street as there are no trucks available to haul it away. I was able to get the materials from a place near us where the owners, that I know well said, "John even if you had money we wouldn't take it; pay us in a couple of week." I am very grateful for their generosity.


Rubble from one of our broken walls

Dear Heather,
We have a need for medical personel. See John's blog below




January 15, 7:34 PM
It has been a busy day as I have been out and about and trying to look after the various efforts of Heartline Ministries here in Haiti.
We as a group did meet this morning and we have decided to go ahead and on Monday open up a clinic to treat those who have yet to have their wounds and injuries cared for. I spoke to a couple of guys that live in the inner city area where our midwives go and they told me that there are still many just in his area that have not been treated. He as well told me that many of the bodies of those who have died are now just being discovered and that they are being placed in an empty field.
The plan then is for long time friend Dr. Tom McKnight from Niceville, Florida to arrive Sunday on an airplane coming in with doctors. He is bringing with him supplies and money to help purchase other supplies. We as well will gather as many supplies as possible and with other medical personnel treat those who have been injured in the earthquake. The clinic will be open 7/24 but we as yet are not certain of how many weeks we will run the clinic.
We are especially looking for those who have expertise in treating wounds and trauma. We expect to see broken bones and infected wounds and injuries due to being hit by cement blocks. If you are at all interested, please e-mail me and I will put you in touch with our contact person who in coordinating this effort in the States.
Our biggest concern is our ability to stay stocked up on the medical supplies that we will need. We as well have concern about how we can keep the electricity on as we have no city power and getting diesel for the generator is at this time not possible. Yet today when we met we sang, prayed, read God's word and talked and all were in agreement that we should do this. And so we have started to get the women's center ready and we will work feverishly to make this happen.
We can really use your financial help as we add this outreach to what we are already doing. You can donate by pressing here. THANK YOU FOR YOUR GENEROSITY!!!

We also have moved the children and nannies to the girls' home, which is the most secure of the two houses.

NOT GOOD NEWS

I, a couple of days ago, wrote about our friend Patrick who was trapped for 18 hours under or inside his house that had collapsed on him. Well both he and his wife, Barb were able to make it to the States where Barb had her leg amputated below the knee and where Patrick had his arm amputated. Patrick is now is serious condition with a collapsed lung and kidney failure. PLEASE PRAY!!!

THE STENCH OF DEATH

Today I was downtown and was amazed at the damage done to some of the government buildings and especially the National Palace. And clearly the stench of death permeated the air.

STARTING TO REBUILD

Today, even though we do not have a lot of cash to work with we were able to get 150 sacks or 6 tons of cement, and a couple hundred bars of steel and some other material for rebuilding the walls of the creches. We will need 3000 cement blocks and truck loads of sand and gravel, which we are not able to get yet as they are not available. We still have not been able to remove the debris which is spread across our street as there are no trucks available to haul it away. I was able to get the materials from a place near us where the owners, that I know well said, "John even if you had money we wouldn't take it; pay us in a couple of week." I am very grateful for their generosity.



We hope by next week to stat to actually rebuild the wall. This is dependent on our being able to have the rubble hauled away and if we can buy sand and rocks.

Your prayers and support do matter and Heartline is making a difference!