Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Guilt And Pride

I got a new car. It's very pretty and shiny and I both love and hate having it. Whether we like it or not what we drive says something about us, just like what we wear or eat or say. My old '99 Mercury Villager said, "I'm a practical Mom and my identity is not tied up in appearances." I liked that about it. It had ground in french fries in the carpet and melted crayons in the cup holders. It was scratched and stinky. It wasn't until I got this new one that I realized I was proud of the old one. It was a badge of honor for me. It told people I had my priorities straight. BUT it had to go. Many things were breaking and it just didn't make sense to keep stitching up a dead horse. So, we kept our eyes open for a good deal. This past weekend we found it. A 2004 Durango with only 16000 miles on it. Super cheap and super clean. DONE. It also happens to have aftermarket wheels to add to the bling factor. I love driving it, but I hate thinking what people must think of me. It's one of several things; 1) I am killing the planet with my gas guzzling self. 2) I am self absorbed and vain. 3) My priorities are all out of whack - I mean there are starving children in the world!

So, as I'm driving along thinking all of these things it hit me like a ton of bricks. I have been a judgemental jerk. And now I am heaping on myself the coals I had once reserved for others. I feel guilty driving this car. Not because we spent too much, and not because we didn't need it. Simply because of the image I feel it portrays. Now that is vain!


Anonymous said...

you crack me up! You NEED a car! It's ok sweetie. I love you, Mom

Emily said...

I will be more than willing to trade you and give you my car that sounds like a wind-up toy when I drive it and like it's going to fall apart when I turn. You can re-claim your "i've got my priorities straight" status! haha! I love you so much and know exactly how you are feeling in this. It's funny how trying to conserve and not just be a consumer can bring you to a whole other level of pride...I have to check myself all of the time on that. It's all about balance & heart.