Thursday, July 19, 2007

Mid Summer Ramblings

Hang in there with me. I've got alot going on in my head right now. First of all, who ever said summer was for relaxing?? I am exhausted! To start, just when we had sent Sky back home and decided we needed to "circle the wagons" for a while we get the call about Berny. He has always had a special place in our hearts so there was really no doubt about who would host him. Then came the cousins for two weeks. Mixed in are orthodontic appointments for Madiboo, follow-ups for Berny, and Jay and I both teaching at Vacation Bible School. I am actually sitting down right now for the first time in months, well ok maybe just minutes, but it seems like I am constantly moving lately. Which is why I think I am just now starting to process some emotional stuff that has come along with all of this craziness. Here goes my brain dump:

Since Berny is here our trip to Haiti is completely up in the air. It seems to make sense financially to wait until he is ready to go home or we just end up paying twice. Plus the thought of leaving ALL 5 kids with my Mom just seems like cruel and unusual punishment - and I kinda like her. I am just now getting to be somewhat sad about it. I was planning to go in January of this year and ended up not being able to and now this trip is uncertain. It's hard for me because each time I think that I am supposed to go and that God has something for me there something happens to stop it. Is it the enemy trying to keep me away? Is God just working on my flexibility? I recently read this post on Angela's blog and it seems to be where I am. In fact not just with Haiti trips. Earlier in the year I was beginning to feel that we would always be a homeschool only family. I was starting to gain confidence in it. Now I am preparing to send my girls to school in a month. Don't even get me started on all the emotions that are wrapped up in that one. I had started to wonder if we were meant to adopt D's brothers, and now I am feeling very removed from the whole idea. It's not that I actually have heard from the Lord either way, I'm just so BUSY that I can't even think about it right now. I'm not in the Word like I should be, but honestly I don't know when I will get time. Just in writing this much I have been up and down atleast six times to change a diaper, get a snack for the kids, put a movie in, break up a fight, answer the phone etc. etc. Still I know that God is in control and that He will guide me. Even when I don't know where we are going, He does. And even when I can't see the next step He already has it in place. I'm clinging to that truth right now, and in the meantime I am loving all the kids and cleaning the house "as unto the Lord", and that is the best I can do. Perhaps on vaction next week I will be able to get quiet enough with the Lord to give Him time to fill me in on what He's doing(:


lori said...

love reading your blog, keep it coming!!

lori (

Lindsay said...

Hi Heather... Will be praying for you and Jason. Enjoy your vacation! NC bound tomorrow.


Troy & Tara Livesay said...

Hi Heather --
Just checking in on you guys again today --- hoping you have a wonderful weekend!

Sherri said...

You know what? One day I was praying and I was asking God, "Why am I so tired? What is wrong with me? What can't I get ahead?" and as clear as anything, he impressed on me this "Your children make you tired. When they go back to school you will feel better."

We have year round school and three of them went back yesterday, the kindergartener begins tomorrow and the pre-schooler will begin two days a week tomorrow. I can't tell you what a load has been lifted from my shoulders. I love them but man, 5 kids are a lot of work!

Cut yourself some slack today if you can, even if it is only a cup of tea.

Christ's Peace,