Thursday, May 24, 2007

Plans change...(ours, not God's!)

The girls and I visited their school today. It was wonderful. The prinicipal and teachers were all so nice and happy to welcome the girls. It felt really good and really right. I thank God for giving me that peace because honestly I second guess the decision daily. At every turn he is confirming it though.

So, true confessions time. I have always imagined myself on the mission field. And when we adopted D I felt sure that Haiti was the place where God would lead us. Aside from other benefits of homeschooling it has always sort of been my way to prepare for leaving. I didn't want to get used to the kids being in school. I didn't want roots that deep. I wanted to be ready to go at a moments notice. I have fought this sort of blending in with society and doing the suburban mom thing. Maybe not consciously, but I realize that letting go of that, atleast for now, has been a part of my grieving process. Jay has made it clear that we are not going to the mission field anytime soon. He acknowledges it is a definite possibility in the future, but God has not said "now" yet. So, I am stepping out into the world. And I feel this beautiful peacefulness from the Lord. Why did I think He would love me more, be more pleased with me if I went to some foreign country. He wants me to serve him contentedly from wherever I am. If it is possible, I think for me wanting to be on the mission field became almost sinful. I elevated it to a place of "better Christianity" in a way. And yet, where is the grace in that. And where is there room for the Lord to have a place for us all, a special plan just for us that may or may not include ever leaving home. I still hope for that call, but only if it is what He wants from us. And I am so grateful for a God who is bigger than place or circumstance and can use me wherever He wants me to be. May my eyes stay open to the needs that are right here in front of me everyday!

So, as the girls and I discussed school Madiboo asked if it was a Christian school, and I said no it is public. She and Sunshine both got huge grins on their faces and S chimed in, "Now we can tell some people about Jesus!" Out of the mouths of babes.

Random pictures from the past month: Bonfire night, and cow chasing in the pasture next door.

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