Believe

What we believe is more powerful than we know. And sometimes it takes something big, sometimes even "rock your world" kind of big, to make us see that what we thought we believed and what we actually believe are not so much the same. I say that I believe that Gabe's brain suffered damage due to his prenatal and early infancy trauma. But, based on my parenting the past couple of days, I guess I really think that is a load of whooey. Because I have disciplined, lectured, griped, and complained as though he was in complete control and just wanted to be the bad bad boy he was. Apparently my foundation in this area is weak, and when rubber meets the road I cave and fall back on old habits and old belief systems. So, today I will spend some time reading, reflecting and re-learning what I already know to be true so that I can live in such a way that my belief is evident. And I believe that my son hates the way he is even more than I do, that if he could do better he would do better. I believe that he is hurting and scared in ways that I have been too blessed to know and that it is my job as his Mom to love, comfort and care for his aching heart. And most importantly, I believe that he loves me and I love him and WE WILL GET THROUGH THIS together.

And I just had to laugh as God whispered to my heart, "Does you life show others what you think you believe about me, or does it show them what you really believe about me?" Hmmm. Maybe today calls for some reading, reflecting, and re-learning what I know to be true about the Lord as well!