Holiday Nostalgia and Gratitude

Thursday was the kids first day off school for Christmas. We just hung around the house eating and doing nothing. Then I pulled out some old home video thinking G would like to see his first day with us. He has been acting insecure again lately and I wanted him to see how happy we were when we got him, how hard we worked to get him home etc etc. That part went wonderfully. He loved it and was exceptionally happy and content that day. Then it digressed into an all out home video binge. This is NOT a good idea for me. I watched hours and hours of the years 2001-2002. It was emotion overload. The kids were so tiny and cute. For that matter so was I! I got really sad thinking that all those years are behind us and before we know it they will be at college. I felt old and frumpy and sad. Plus I was a little motion sick from all the bad videography. I have decided that I am not allowed to watch home movies anymore. I will make them - for posterity, but I will not watch them. I do much better living in the here and now. Yesterday was a recovery day and today I am back on track. Jay and I spent the day with the kids - we took them to Toys R Us to spend their money from Grandpa P, then went to Blockbuster and Starbucks. It was a good day, and I remembered that right now is a really good place to be. I mean, for one thing all my kids are potty trained. Up until about 3 months ago I had been changing diapers non stop for 10 years! I don't have to pack a diaper bag every time I want to leave the house. All of my kids can entertain themsleves alone for more than 15 minutes at a time. When we go somewhere everyone can walk. Strollers are optional at this point. We are down to only two in car seats. All of this is good stuff. Plus, I actually enjoy this new phase. Madiboo is becoming quite the little lady. She shares with me about her friends and what's happening at school. She shares what she is learning about the Lord. D is getting old enough for G to enjoy his company occassionally. They wrestle and play quite nicely now. They fight over hot wheels and action figures. It is good brotherly stuff. In two years they will all be in school and what in the world will I do with all that free time????? I have no idea, but I bet God does! So, I am glad to be back in 2007, almost 2008, and I'm feeling grateful for what I have experienced and I'm looking forward to what is to come.

Recent Dimple-isms

As we pass Walgreen's:

"Mom, can we go there. That's where the gum lives."

On the way to school for his Christmas party:

"Mom, is my birthday coming up?"

"No honey, you just had your birthday in the summer."

"Oh, it's Jesus Birthday?"

"Yes."

"Is He's older than me?"

I'm just me.

I'm stubborn. I don't like being bossed around. I tend to want to rebel when authority tries to tell me what to do. I kinda like breaking rules and getting away with it, especially when I have decided it was a dumb rule anyway. I tend to not care what people think of me. I'm not into people pleasing, trying to look cute or fashionable all the time (although Jay says that sometimes it just happens and I have to deal with that), I drive an old car, I live in a weird looking house that no one else would buy (apparently). It has taken me 33 years to get to this point, and I feel so free. BUT.... when it comes to my walk with the Lord I wobble, I worry, and I wonder if I am getting it right. I often wish His voice wasn't so still and quiet. Yet even the stuff that is right in front of me in black and white is difficult to live out. I just feel like I should be farther along with it all. There are days that I look at myself and wonder why I am acting like a baby Christian when I have walked with the Lord since I was 6. Why can't I get this right? The same stuff trips me up again and again.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2Cor 12:9

And then I remember that I am not supposed to be doing any of this. I am supposed to lay down my life, my plans, my desires, my pride that tells me I can do it if I just try harder, and I am supposed to let God use me, work through me, and be glorified in me.

Lord please help me to lay down. Please help me to be still. Strip me of selfishness, pride and ambition. I have been stubborn and rebelious in your presence and I ask your forgiveness. Replace my selfish desires with the perfect plan you have for me. I do not want anything that is outside your will for my life. Help me to remember to be still and know that you are God and to rest in your faithfulness.

Berny is home

Showing off his hopping on one foot trick.

A reunited and happy family.

I miss him so much, and it hits me at odd times in the day, but I know he is where he belongs.

Beautiful Visit!!

3 More Sleeps...

until my dear friend Rebecca and her family arrive. I don't think I have introduced Bec to all you blogging buddies. In the immortal words of Indigo Montoya; "Let me 'splain...no, is too much, let me sum up"

I first met Bec as I arrived at the Miami airport in March of 2005. We were to be roommates on our first trip to Haiti. She was going to meet her son, Jeff, who would later become Jeremiah, and I was in limbo. We had lost our first referral and I now had no idea WHO I was going to meet, but I knew God had a plan and I was leaning hard on him. As God began to reveal to me that D was our son Bec was my rock. Every night we prayed together after we layed in bed and looked over the pictures we had taken that day. The last day before we took Jer and D back to the O we prayed over them together. There is no greater bond than shared heartache combined with shared faith in the Lord. From that trip Bec has been permanently placed in my heart as one of those timeless and dear friends that can only be described as a gift from the Lord. We saw each other again in August of that year as she and Bryan were picking Jeremiah up to take him home and I was visiting with D. Since then we have only had phone and e-mail so the fact that I will soon SEE her and get to meet the rest of her kids and see how big Jer has gotten, well....it's just plain awesome and I can't wait!

Old roomies, soon to be reunited(:

Jesus Loves the Little Children

God has truly done a miracle in Berny's heart! Throughout his time here I have been showing him pictures of his parents and getting very little response from him. He would just nod at me as if I were explaining calculus. As the time got closer for him to leave I started praying for God to prepare his heart to go home. Recently I printed out some pics of his parents and really explained that he would be flying on the airplane to go home to them soon. The difference was night and day. You cannot fully appreciate it if you can't see it, but there is a light in his eyes when he talks about them now. He carries their picture and talks about going home to them all the time. He is joyful about it. I believe with all my heart that God blurred the memory of them while he needed to heal and now that it is time to go home God has put them back in his heart. I know this like I know the sky is blue. GOD did this! Thank you Lord for answered prayers and for the peace that has come over me knowing that Berny is happy!!

Though....Yet

"Though the fig tree should not blossom and there be no fruit on the vines, though the yield of the olive should fail and the fields produce no food, though the flock should be cut off from the fold and there be no cattle in the stalls, yet I will exalt in the Lord, I will rejoice in the God of my salvation. The Lord God is my strength, and He has made my feet like hinds' feet. And he makes me walk on my high places."

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Berny is leaving us this coming Tuesday. He has been a joy and a blessing to us in his time here. I am embarrassed to admit that I want him to stay. I firmly believe that a child should be with his biological parents. If they are loving and nurturing, then that is always always always the best scenario. And yet, selfishly I have fantasized about him staying with us. Every night for the past few weeks as I put him and D to bed we would read a book, sing a song and pray. For prayers I had been praying for God to prepare Berny's heart to go home to his Mom and Dad. So the other night when I asked for requests D said, 'Berny's hawt (heart)' and Berny pointed to his blanket and I said, 'you want to thank God for your blanky?' and he nodded his head. These are the kind of precious moments that God has blessed me with. Who wouldn't want that to continue?? I know without a doubt that God has HUGE plans for Berny. He is one of the most amazing people I have ever met. He has had multiple surgeries, multiple home transitions, multiple country transitions, complete paralysis and recovery, and through it ALL he has remained one of the most joyful, contented, beautiful souls I have ever known. I love him and I will miss him. God answered our prayers. Berny WILL walk off that plane to his parents!! Though Berny is not mine to keep, though my heart will break, yet I will praise the Lord for His grace on this little boys life.

Catching Up

Where to begin...

FIRST and MOST important - Berny is WALKING!!!!!! And not just barely toddling between us, he is actually walking everywhere and it is his preferred mode of transportation now! All glory has to go to God for this. His doctors and therapists are all just stunned and saying things like 'someone should do a case study on him' and 'I've never seen someone recover this fast' etc etc. We all just nod and grin and say that he has many people praying for him and God has had His hand on this boys life since the day he was born.

Another praise is that we met with a therapist concerning G last week and have a real hopefulness for him. If you have a mood swing/easily frustrated/highly irritable child I recommend "The Explosive Child" by Greene. It is truly helping us see his behaviour for what it is - a discrepancy in his brain wiring, and NOT an attitude problem. He is doing great and his teacher is a wonderful person who is so totally on board with helping him! What a praise. Thank you Lord! I really struggled with putting him in school, but now I can see that the structure of it is so good for him, and is something I could not provide - I'm a seat of your pants kind of girl! Plus, it was this huge, scary unknown for him and now he is doing it. What a confidence builder(:

The girls continue to do well. They love school and their friends. I told them the other day that they were young but they were already serving God. They are so mature and able to handle things that it gives me the time and energy to take care of the boys. Not every child could handle living in this house with such compassion and grace, but they do it beautifully. God has big plans for these girls! But for now, they are enabling me to fulfill the call on my life to be Mom to many. They truly are precious treasures to me!

And here are a few pics from our weekend in New York with Jay's sister. We came up and surprised her for her birthday and did the one night cruise out of Manhattan. It was a fun trip.

She was VERY surprised and broke into the ugly cry!
Ahh.... the beautiful Jersey Shore.
Heading under the Verrazano Narrows, and out to sea.
This is Jay's dramatic reenactment of the Exxon Valdeze accident.

Lindsay, these are for you(:
WOW, how stinkin' cute is my husband?!?!?!?




OK, back to nose and butt wiping....(: More later.