Life as Ministry

I've done alot of reading, soul searching and seeking the Lord over the past year (or so) about what it really means to actually DO what the Bible says. I gradually came to the realization that many people who claim the title "Christian" don't, in reality, take the words of the Bible or the commands in it very seriously. I also discovered that I was one of them. So I find myself trying to figure out what it looks like to die to self, take up your cross, and FOLLOW HIM. Well, I think it looks different for each person, but it boils down to motivation and end goals in my opinion.

If I live my life for me and my motivation is happiness, ease or comfort then I will choose my house, my job, my number of children, my spending habits based on exactly that. Many Christians do this without even thinking about it. They are just living. Haven't we all answered the questions, 'how many kids do you want?' or 'where do you want to live' or 'what do you want to be when you grow up?' We think we get to choose, and that "full-time ministry" is a calling for the few. (No not the proud, the humble.) But is it? Can you read Jesus' words and actually believe that any of us can escape full-time ministry? Can you take up your cross and simultaneously be devoted to dreams such as a nicer house, or a job with more prestige, or more leisure time and the toys with which to fill it? Well, I guess you then come to the question of the end you seek. Or maybe not even the end you seek, but the end you believe will be. The way I see it, if you truly believe that everything on this earth and in this life will be nothing and all you will have left is what you sent on to Heaven, then WHY IN THE WORLD would you seek after these things? And if you believe that you truly are eternal and will be spending your eternity in the presence of the Creator God who formed you out of nothing and loved you enough to send His son to die for you, and asked of you some very specific things, then WHY IN THE WORLD would you avoid those things in favor of momentary comfort?
So I have decided that I AM IN full time ministry. If I am going to die to self and live for Christ as Paul says we are called to do, then my life is not mine to choose. Things start to look very different when you realize that your life is your ministry. Decision making becomes more prayerful and less analytical. Whether I want something holds no weight. Whether I feel able holds no weight. Whether happiness follows holds no weight. The ONLY factor that holds weight is the will of my Heavenly Father. He gets to decide. It is simultaeously utterly terrifying and utterly freeing. My present definition of faith is choosing to see it as utterly freeing.