Wednesday, November 5, 2008

YES, Forever, YES

While we were in France I read Kay Warren's book, Dangerous Surrender. It was really wonderful and a great follow up to my previous read, Irresistible Revolution. I spent alot of time in France evaluating myself, and acknowledging what I was and wasn't ready to surrender. In her book Kay asks the question, "Will you say yes to God before you even know the question?" I decided right then and there to say yes. I would say yes no matter what the request was. But, I'll let you in on a little secret... I thought I knew what the question was. I was pretty sure I had it all figured out. So, even though I meant to say yes to ANYTHING, what I really said yes to was THAT. And wouldn't you know it, I was wrong. Big shocker right? So on Monday I sat crying and wondering what in the world God was doing, and He reminded me that I promised to say yes. Turns out what I said yes to was being broken...again. I said yes to giving away a little bit more of my heart. I said yes to loving, and saying goodbye...again. And now my instinct is to draw back, just like last time. To find a place where I am shielded from this ever happening again. But I know that God is not in that place. So this time I will sit in the valley and let my Comforter come, and I will say yes. In the midst of the pain, this time I will say yes Lord if you so desire to use me again in this way my answer ...will... still ...be... yes.

4 comments:

Emily said...

Heather,

Knowing what you thought your yes would be in response to, my heart hurts with yours, but also rejoices with yours as God is calling you into an even more beautiful place in His will. I can only imagine the temptation to shut yourself off to the possibility of feeling this again, but I respect you so much for not allowing yourself to go there. I've found through my experiences (although they may be few) that the brokenness is when we find ourselves closest to the Lord...and that's a great place to be. I love you and look up to you so much!

Your sis :)

T and T Livesay said...

love to you Heather!

M Morris said...

Heather, I'm just so so so sorry. I know the point of your blog was not to feel sorry for you, but that you are finding comfort in your Comforter, but.....I am just so sorry. :(

This isn't easy from the other side either, I promise. :(

Mary

ange said...

Oh sweetie, I just wish I could send you a hug.
ange