Holiday Nostalgia and Gratitude

Thursday was the kids first day off school for Christmas. We just hung around the house eating and doing nothing. Then I pulled out some old home video thinking G would like to see his first day with us. He has been acting insecure again lately and I wanted him to see how happy we were when we got him, how hard we worked to get him home etc etc. That part went wonderfully. He loved it and was exceptionally happy and content that day. Then it digressed into an all out home video binge. This is NOT a good idea for me. I watched hours and hours of the years 2001-2002. It was emotion overload. The kids were so tiny and cute. For that matter so was I! I got really sad thinking that all those years are behind us and before we know it they will be at college. I felt old and frumpy and sad. Plus I was a little motion sick from all the bad videography. I have decided that I am not allowed to watch home movies anymore. I will make them - for posterity, but I will not watch them. I do much better living in the here and now. Yesterday was a recovery day and today I am back on track. Jay and I spent the day with the kids - we took them to Toys R Us to spend their money from Grandpa P, then went to Blockbuster and Starbucks. It was a good day, and I remembered that right now is a really good place to be. I mean, for one thing all my kids are potty trained. Up until about 3 months ago I had been changing diapers non stop for 10 years! I don't have to pack a diaper bag every time I want to leave the house. All of my kids can entertain themsleves alone for more than 15 minutes at a time. When we go somewhere everyone can walk. Strollers are optional at this point. We are down to only two in car seats. All of this is good stuff. Plus, I actually enjoy this new phase. Madiboo is becoming quite the little lady. She shares with me about her friends and what's happening at school. She shares what she is learning about the Lord. D is getting old enough for G to enjoy his company occassionally. They wrestle and play quite nicely now. They fight over hot wheels and action figures. It is good brotherly stuff. In two years they will all be in school and what in the world will I do with all that free time????? I have no idea, but I bet God does! So, I am glad to be back in 2007, almost 2008, and I'm feeling grateful for what I have experienced and I'm looking forward to what is to come.

Recent Dimple-isms

As we pass Walgreen's:

"Mom, can we go there. That's where the gum lives."

On the way to school for his Christmas party:

"Mom, is my birthday coming up?"

"No honey, you just had your birthday in the summer."

"Oh, it's Jesus Birthday?"

"Yes."

"Is He's older than me?"

I'm just me.

I'm stubborn. I don't like being bossed around. I tend to want to rebel when authority tries to tell me what to do. I kinda like breaking rules and getting away with it, especially when I have decided it was a dumb rule anyway. I tend to not care what people think of me. I'm not into people pleasing, trying to look cute or fashionable all the time (although Jay says that sometimes it just happens and I have to deal with that), I drive an old car, I live in a weird looking house that no one else would buy (apparently). It has taken me 33 years to get to this point, and I feel so free. BUT.... when it comes to my walk with the Lord I wobble, I worry, and I wonder if I am getting it right. I often wish His voice wasn't so still and quiet. Yet even the stuff that is right in front of me in black and white is difficult to live out. I just feel like I should be farther along with it all. There are days that I look at myself and wonder why I am acting like a baby Christian when I have walked with the Lord since I was 6. Why can't I get this right? The same stuff trips me up again and again.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2Cor 12:9

And then I remember that I am not supposed to be doing any of this. I am supposed to lay down my life, my plans, my desires, my pride that tells me I can do it if I just try harder, and I am supposed to let God use me, work through me, and be glorified in me.

Lord please help me to lay down. Please help me to be still. Strip me of selfishness, pride and ambition. I have been stubborn and rebelious in your presence and I ask your forgiveness. Replace my selfish desires with the perfect plan you have for me. I do not want anything that is outside your will for my life. Help me to remember to be still and know that you are God and to rest in your faithfulness.

Berny is home

Showing off his hopping on one foot trick.

A reunited and happy family.

I miss him so much, and it hits me at odd times in the day, but I know he is where he belongs.

Beautiful Visit!!