I'm just me.

I'm stubborn. I don't like being bossed around. I tend to want to rebel when authority tries to tell me what to do. I kinda like breaking rules and getting away with it, especially when I have decided it was a dumb rule anyway. I tend to not care what people think of me. I'm not into people pleasing, trying to look cute or fashionable all the time (although Jay says that sometimes it just happens and I have to deal with that), I drive an old car, I live in a weird looking house that no one else would buy (apparently). It has taken me 33 years to get to this point, and I feel so free. BUT.... when it comes to my walk with the Lord I wobble, I worry, and I wonder if I am getting it right. I often wish His voice wasn't so still and quiet. Yet even the stuff that is right in front of me in black and white is difficult to live out. I just feel like I should be farther along with it all. There are days that I look at myself and wonder why I am acting like a baby Christian when I have walked with the Lord since I was 6. Why can't I get this right? The same stuff trips me up again and again.

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." 2Cor 12:9

And then I remember that I am not supposed to be doing any of this. I am supposed to lay down my life, my plans, my desires, my pride that tells me I can do it if I just try harder, and I am supposed to let God use me, work through me, and be glorified in me.

Lord please help me to lay down. Please help me to be still. Strip me of selfishness, pride and ambition. I have been stubborn and rebelious in your presence and I ask your forgiveness. Replace my selfish desires with the perfect plan you have for me. I do not want anything that is outside your will for my life. Help me to remember to be still and know that you are God and to rest in your faithfulness.