REAL HOPE FOR HAITI

To the right are links to Lori and Licia's blogs and links to their organization, Real Hope For Haiti. They do AMAZING work and their standards and ethics are impeccable and without blemish. The recent rise in the cost of food has caused them hardship in keeping their rescue center open. These people are literally saving lives EVERY DAY! Below is a video of their father. It shares a bit about their calling and their ministry. Please watch and ask God if He would have you help them. Some are called to go and some are called to send, but NONE are exempt from both.

Check out these links for more info on ways to help.
www.aaronivey.wordpress.com
www.dreamingbigdreams.wordpress.com
www.xanga.com/no_im_not_a_nurse
www.xanga.com/haitinurse4life

My Mom

I had wanted to get a post on here about my Mom BEFORE Mother's Day, but since I get my procrastination and lack of organizational skills from her I think she will understand ;-)

There is really no way to sum up or categorize my Mom. She had me at barely 18 years old, but managed to get a job, put a roof over my head and food in my belly. She had a less than ideal childhood, to put it mildly, and I know with all my heart she wanted better for me. She selflessly set aside her dreams and set out to give me the best life she possibly could. We often barely had money to make ends meet and yet she managed to make things special and kept me blissfully unaware that we were "poor"! To this day she is my greatest cheerleader, encourager and friend. She is a woman of faith, integrity and dignity. She is passionate about family. She loves the Lord. She works harder than anyone I have ever known. She supports me in that most perfect way - offering advice when it is asked for and being an ear and a comfort when it is not. I am so completely blessed and honored that God sent me to be this woman's daughter. I could ask for no better start to life and no better friend, companion and confidant along the way. Mom, I love you so much more than words can say and I could write for hours about all the specific ways that you are so amazing, but... well, let's be honest - isn't your head big enough already? Oh, I almost forgot - my Mom is also the most sarcastic person I know and if I have ever offended you in any way you can thank her for that! Hehe(: Love ya Ma!

What Makes Me Happy

The joy this child brings me is immeasurable. Is it possible for a heart to actually burst with love? I have no idea why I get to be his mom, but I am so thankful and grateful and blessed beyond my wildest dreams. Absolutely amazing.

He does this probably 20 times a day and I have to say - it never gets old(:

Better

We're off to a better start today. Last night, after a bumpy afternoon G came to me and started to hug and cuddle. This is usually his cue for saying he's sorry. He rarely has the nerve to speak it, but I know what he means. Then at bed time he asked me to stay with him until he fell asleep. So I climbed in and he snuggled with me and held my hand. I know in my head that he is so afraid that we will send him away if he is bad, which ironically makes him very difficult to live with. I know he loves us and yet it is so hard for me to not take his verbal abuse personally. Every day we are taking tiny baby steps toward healing his heart, and mine for that matter. So much of this journey with G is about God teaching ME about MYSELF.

Madi ran the mile at school yesterday and came home beaming that she had beat her previous time by 7 seconds. She was so proud and had to keep recounting the minute by minute drama of who was ahead of whom and when. It was very cute. Sydney runs hers today. I hope she does well.

If you've listened to the song on the blog you may have heard the line, "You walk in a room...and something there leaves you breathless." Well, today when I walked in the living room the only thing that left me breathless was the smell of poo. Yep, apparently Chance had an upset tummy in the night and couldn't possibly wait til dawn. I couldn't be too mad at him - he is very well housebroken and has been known to "hold it" for ridiculous amounts of time, so I know he really coudn't help it. Nevertheless he has been banished to the screen porch until we can be sure the yuckies have passed. So now I will continue to attack the carpet with soap, vinegar and lysol because I swear I can STILL smell something. Aren't you guys so glad I shared?

All I Could Muster

After G gave a tirade this morning about how he doesn't want to live with us and he's going to run away the only "hope' I could muster was a pleasant, "I HOPE you have a good day" as he got out of the car at school. And I HOPE he's in a better mood when he gets home! Please pray for us(:

Don't Leave Kids With Dad

Remember that ladies retreat I went on? Well, while I was gone this was the scene at the local drive in burger joint. What is Daniel's blue hair you ask? Well, it is a popped squishy ball stretched over his head like a wig of course. DUH! Sadly, an innocent neighbor girl was dragged along for the spectacle. The good news - they did eat, apparently, while I was gone. The bad news - this picture was taken before the "dance party in the bed of the truck" scene. Excuse me while I blot my tears of pride...

New Name

I decided to put a new heading on the blog. Not because I feel less blessed than before. Mostly because I got bored staring at the old one every day, and this is kind of like rearranging furniture in blog land. My new name - Love Hopes - is how I am feeling lately. It comes, of course from the love chapter 1 Corinthians 13. My love for my kids, my family, and my life hopes. It hopes that we are where we need to be. It hopes that the future is good. It hopes that God will fill in the gaps that I leave. So, I hope that your love feels hopeful today(:

Words Get In The Way

Perhaps you have noticed it has been a long time since my last real entry. Hopefully you have not because your life is way too full and exciting to care! I can't tell you how many times I have come to sit in front of the computer to share with you all I am feeling. And I would sit...and sit... and then a kid would need me, or the phone would ring, or a dog would need to go out. So, here I am, finally ready...I think, to give words to the jumble that has been on my heart.





March 10th G turned seven years old. He was not in a good place at the time. His party was kept small with just family and a few close friends who we consider family. The day after his birthday we met with his new psychiatrist. She was great. I really liked her. She gave us a prescription. I filled it and then got on line to do some research and got more and more scared. I hated the idea of my son having to take this for the rest of his life. It really freaked me out. But then I remembered how G had said he wanted to die, the grief that came over him as he tried to understand why he wasn't like everyone else. I remembered the anger, the rages, the broken stuff. I decided I HAD to do SOMETHING. So, I gave him his first dose. And then I cried.



And then, although I didn't realize it at the time, I think I shut down for a while. I put a do not enter sign on my heart, and refused to acknowledge any new emotions. I was spiritually and emotionally spent, drained, done, over it.

April 4th and 5th was our churches women's retreat. I went. Depserate for the Lord to meet me there. I knew He was the only thing that was going to make it ok. He came through in amazing ways. He let me grieve and cry and yell. He didn't chastise me for it. Instead, He held out his arms and comforted me and reminded me that I am His precious daughter. He took me to scripture after scripture about being in the dry places, the place of bitterness, the place of Naomi's "marah". He showed me that I was not alone in that place. Then He revealed some of my heart to me. He showed me the fear that I have let consume me. Fear of not being a good enough Mother, Wife, Friend, Christian. Fear of the things I cannot control in my children's lives. He asked me to lay it down. To give it to Him. Just as He did for the Israelites in the desert, He made my bitter water to be sweet. It was a precious time with the Lord, and I am so thankful that He is ever patient and ever gracious to continue to meet me where I am.

So, here we are a month and a half later and things are going so well with G. He is really making huge improvements. It's good, but I hate to think it's the medication. I don't want that to be the problem, and I don't want him to have to be on this forever. But I have put my fears about it at the Lord's feet and I am enjoying the good days. I can see G really trying to stop and think before he explodes. He is affectionate and loving and so many of his insecurities about his place in our family are coming to the surface now that he can give voice to them. It has been so hard to watch him grieve for his birth mom, for the loss of what his life would've been with her. He is a compassionate soul, and he genuinely worries about her. I am beginning to see that his anger was a shield to protect his very tender soul. I am so proud of him. He is working through things that no 7 year old should have to think about.

So, things are pretty good right now. I need God's grace to get me through each day. But that is a good thing. I hope I never begin to feel self sufficient!

In other news: D's end of the year preschool program is tonight. Stay tuned for adorable pictures and maybe even video(;

Please, please I beg you to read this...

Soak it in,
let yourself feel it,
cry with them,
rejoice with them,
let it change you

http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/04/letter-to-my-daughter.html

EASTER

Blessed Assurance

I'm smiling now as I think back on the past months. The knowledge that God was preparing me, the idea of suffering, the struggle, then the resignation, and then the anticipation. And now I see at least a glimpse of what it was for. He was giving me the armour I would need for this battle. He prepared the way so that I would not be shocked by it or overcome. He filled me up with His love and strength. It is an amzing thing when you can look at a situation that seems bleak and scary and still have peace. I don't think I have ever had this before. I have read about it, prayed for it, and seen others with it, but now it is mine. The peace that passes understanding. I feel safe and secure even though my world is shaking a bit. I know that I know that I know that God has me in His hands and whatever comes to me, good or bad, difficult or easy, is a blessing from Him. In the good times I will praise Him and in the bad I will praise Him. He has given me what I need - His presence, His love, and His grace. If God is for me who (what) can be against me?! I get it.

A Little Boy is Running Out of Time

http://victoriashope.blogspot.com/2008/02/boys-needs-home-this-week.html

If he doesn't have a family commit to him soon he will be transferred to the home for the disabled and will no longer be available for adoption. His future there would be grim indeed.

Redemptive Suffering

I just listened to the Feb 3rd sermon and I just think it is so cool that there is a name for what I was trying to describe in my post here:http://manymanyblessings.blogspot.com/2008/01/choose-pain.html and here:http://manymanyblessings.blogspot.com/2008/02/chosen-suffering-step-2.html

It just goes to show that you don't need some fancy, well-read theologian to tell you about God and the mysteries of how He works. He taught this to me, and I am quite often fairly unteachable!



The past week with G has been difficult at best. Just when we think he is coming around he will once again plummet into the abyss. Our therapist once suggested possible early onset bi-polar disorder. It seems to fit. He will have days, even weeks of being the G we know him to be - kind, affectionate, moderately obedient;-) but will then seemingly with no trigger or notice become this angry, irritable, defiant liitle tyrant. Every time it happens, even though it has happened consistently for years now, I become disheartened and completely discouraged. I get sad thinking about what the other three are exposed to - yelling, anger, destruction of property, and I get angry thinking how everything could be wonderful if he were just a normal kid. So, in light of my new revelations about suffering I have been asking the Lord what He would have me do in this situation. And the answer wasn't easy to hear. It was - ENDURE TO THE END. That's it. He didn't promise to fix it. He didn't whisper how it would be over soon. He didn't apologize for how hard it has been. He just said to endure. I think He wants me to truly start to practice this redemptive suffering thing! He wants me to keep loving G even when he is "unloveable" and ISN'T loving me back. He wants me to acknowledge that although being G's mother is going to be often heart breaking, that I was put in his life for a reason and if I can help his heart and mind to heal then it is worth it. It will be joyful! Even if I don't truly see the evidence of it in this life. So today I pray that God would help me to love in a selfless way that expects nothing in return. And I hope that one day G will feel the love that is indeed all around him.

It's All About the Joy-Part 2

This pastor seems to be speaking directly to me these days. Yesterday I went and listened to the January 27th sermon on joy and suffering. And so, as much as I keep thinking I have got this down and God can move on to the next lesson, apparently He wants to let it sink in a bit first.

Go to http://www.thedoor.org then click on recent sermons and go to January 27th.

And I see tht title of the next sermon is "Suffering for Someone Else's Joy". I guess I might as well go watch that one too!

Southern Women - For Memaw

I come from a long line of proud Southern Women so I just had to swipe this off Ange's blog and share it here. Every single line is true and boy do I have a hankerin' for biscuits and gravy right now, and I sure do miss my Memaw. She was the perfect Southern Woman - she might kick your hind end to the curb every now and again, but while you's out there she'd be fixin ya a mess a greens and fried okra to make up for it(: I miss you Memaw and thanks for teaching me the Southern way. I couldn't be more proud.

Southern women appreciate their natural assets:Clean skin.A winning smile.That unforgettable Southern drawl.
Southern women know their manners:"Yes, ma'am.""Yes, sir.""Why, no, Billy!"
Southern women have a distinct way with fond expressions :"Y'all come back!""Well, bless your heart.""Drop by when you can.""How's your Momma?""I'm going to kick your hind end all the way to the curb"
Southern women know their summer weather report:HumidityHumidityHumidity
Southern women know their vacation spots:The beach The rivuh The crick
Southern women know the joys of June, July, and August:Colorful hi-heel sandals Strapless sun dresses Iced sweet tea with mint
Southern women know everybody's first name:Honey Darlin' Shugah
Southern women know the movies that speak to their hearts:Fried Green Tomatoes Driving Miss Daisy Steel Magnolias Gone With The Wind
Southern women know their country breakfasts:Red-eye gravy Grits Eggs Country ham Mouth-watering homemade biscuits with momma's homemade jelly
Southern women know their cities dripping with Southern charm:
Chawl'stn S'vanah Foat Wuth N'awlins Addlanna
Southern women know their elegant gentlemen:Men in uniform. Men in tuxedos Rhett Butler
Southern girls know their prime real estate:The Mall The Country Club The Beauty Salon
Southern girls know the 3 deadly sins:Having bad hair and nails Having bad manners Cooking bad food

More Suthen-ism's:
Only a Southerner knows the difference between a hissie fit and a conniption fit, and that you don't "HAVE" them, you "PITCH" them.
Only a Southerner knows how many fish, collard greens, turnip greens, peas, beans, etc., make up "a mess."
Only a Southerner can show or point out to you the general direction of "yonder."
Only a Southerner knows exactly how long "directly" is, as in: "Going to town, be back directly."
Even Southern babies know that "Gimme some sugar" is not a request for the white, granular sweet substance that sits in a pretty little bowl in the middle of the table.
All Southerners know exactly when "by and by" is. They might not use the term, but they know the concept well.
Only a Southerner knows instinctively that the best gesture of solace for a neighbor who's got trouble is a plate of hot fried chicken and a big bowl of cold potato salad. If the neighbor's trouble is a real crisis, they also know to add a large banana puddin!
Only Southerners grow up knowing the difference between "right near" and "a right far piece." They also know that "just down the road" can be 1 mile or 20.
Only a Southerner, both knows and understands, the difference between a redneck, a good ol' boy, and po' white trash.
No true Southerner would ever assume that the car with the flashing turn signal is actually going to make a turn.
A Southerner knows that "fixin" can be used as a noun, a verb, or an adverb.
Only Southerners make friends while standing in lines, .. and when we're "in line," . we talk to everybody!
Put 100 Southerners in a room and half of them will discover they're related, even if only by marriage.In the South, y'all is singular, all y'all is plural.
Southerners know grits come from corn and how to eat them.
Every Southerner knows tomatoes with eggs, bacon, grits, and coffee are perfectly wonderful; that red eye gravy is also a breakfast food; and that fried green tomatoes are not a breakfast food.
When you hear someone say, "Well, I caught myself lookin'," you know you are in the presence of a genuine Southerner!
Only true Southerners say "sweet tea" and "sweet milk." Sweet tea indicates the need for sugar and lots of it -- we do not like our tea unsweetened. "Sweet milk" means you don't want buttermilk.
And a true Southerner knows you don't scream obscenities at little old ladies who drive 30 MPH on the freeway. You just say,"Bless her heart" ... and go your own way.

To those of you who are still a little embarrassed by your Southerness: Take two tent revivals and a dose of sausage gravy and call me in the morning. Bless your heart!And to those of you who are still having a hard time understanding all this Southern stuff, ... bless your hearts, I hear they are fixin' to have classes on Southernness as a second language!And for those that are not from the South but have lived here for a long time, all y'all need a sign to hang on y'alls front porch that reads "I ain't from the South, but I got here as fast as I could."Southern girls know men may come and go, but friends are fahevah !If you're a Northern transplant, Bless your little heart, fake it.

It's all about the joy!

OK, somebody mentioned (in response to my suffering series) that I might be a bit on the edge. That maybe I am working too hard to impress God or to be a "super Christian". I think the exact quote was the "Tiger Woods of Christians". Yikes. If that is the impression I left then I said EVERYTHING wrong. Let me try to clarify a few things.

1. I am NOT actively seeking for huge, meaningless, calamity to come into my life.

2. I do NOT expect to ever impress God, nor do I think it is possible, nor do I think that is God's desire for me.

The suffering or sacrifices that I was referring to choosing had nothing to do with wanting to impress God by experiencing pain. I was thinking more about cutting out my cable and cell phone so that I have money to send to missionaries(boy does that sound lame!) or choosing to take the time to plan menus and cook to avoid big bills eating out. These are tiny things to be sure, but they are done with a servants heart and a desire to see more people come to know the Lord. Then there are slightly larger sacrifices such as taking in a foster child knowing full well that not only will I be sleep deprived for a few months, but my heart will be broken in two when they leave. All of these things are choices I will make that require something from me, in order that more people will know the love of Christ. There are people who sacrifice so much more - the Livesay's are serving in Haiti with their entire family as are Lori and Licia. They have given up the comforts and securities of living in America for the sake of others. They want to be there to physically be the hands and feet of Jesus. What I am doing is soooooo small. If anyone is the "Tiger Woods of Christians" it would be them. So to sum up:

1. I DO fully expect suffering to come into my life that is not of my own choosing and I pray that I can glorify God in that and point people to His all-sustaining grace.
2. The choices I make regarding what has been entrusted to me matter in the Kingdom of God and I hope I will choose more and more based not on my level of comfort, but on my level of compassion and love for others.
3. It is quite possible that God could ask me to make a much larger sacrifice and suffer more than my present tiny amount. If/when that happens I want to be ready to say "YES" without hesitation.

"And he who had received the five talents came forward bringing five talents more, saying 'Master, you delivered to me five talents; here I have made five talents more'. His Master said to him 'Well done good and faithful servant. You have been faithful over a little; I will set you over much. Enter into the joy of your Master."
Matthew 25:20-21

When we start to see the world the way God sees it, and start caring about the things He cares about we can only find true joy in doing His work. Working for the kingdom or suffering for the kingdom ultimately leads to the only pure joy you will ever know. He has entrusted us with much and I for one want to be a good steward of it and to enter into the joy of my Master!

"Those who sow in tears shall reap with joyful shouting, He who goes to and fro weeping, carrying his bag of seed, shall indeed come again with a shout of joy, bringing his sheaves with him."
Psalm 126:5-6

Life in Rural Haiti

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=7807530395118316902&q=My+Mountain&total=17278&start=0&num=10&so=0&type=search&plindex=0

Seen Hotel Rwanda?

It's happening again. Please pray.

http://www.worldlinkonline.org/prayerlink-2008jan05.html

Chosen Suffering :Step 2

One of the ways God continued my lesson on chosen suffering was in a conversation with a friend. She also happens to be the pastors wife. As we got on the subject of difficulties in life she said that she wanted to write a book titled something like "It's Your Destiny". She thought it would be a catchy title. People always seem to be searching for their purpose, their meaning, the "why" of their existence. Then, the twist would be that if you are a follower of Christ, your destiny is the cross. It is to die to self, take up your cross and follow Him. Sounds pretty grim huh? And yet we read that Jesus took up His cross, suffered and died "for the joy that was set before Him." THE JOY. One of the results of our lives of sacrifice is that people see the love of Jesus in us. We are choosing someone elses gain above our own. But it is not without benefit for us.

By faith, Moses when he was grown up refused to be called the son of Pharaoh's daughter, choosing rather to be mistreated with the people of God than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin. He considered the reproach of Christ greater wealth than the treasures of Egypt, for he was looking to the reward."
Hebrews 11:24-26

The joy. The reward. These are ours for the taking. And what do we give up in return. The fleeting pleasures of sin. We give up a vapor. A mist. Only that which turns to nothing. And in return we get the true, real, eternal good stuff!

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Abide in my love. If you keep my commandments, you will abide in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commandments and abide in His love. These things I have spoken to you, that my JOY may be in you and that your JOY may be full.
John 15:9-11

A Father's Heart

This was also a part of my lesson's from the Lord on suffering. Please please please take the time to watch this. It is in 3 parts that are about 10 minutes each. It is worth your time.