Happy Birthday P-Bear!

We Love You and we know God has such big plans for your life!!!!!

Please pray with us today for P-Bear's Haiti Mama. She is surely hurting as she remembers her sweet boy and can't be with him.

PMS much??

Okay so I'm not sure what had me so agitated in that last post. I mean, the heart of what I was trying to say was good, but I am cracking up at myself and how it bothered me at the moment. I am seriously PMS-ing and sorry if that is TMI. I should not be allowed to blog at this time of the month.

A Good Read

I just spent a bunch of time looking for a good book to read while at the cabin. I've heard many suggestions. I've read reviews. I just finished up reading two really great and life changing books and I realized that I was looking for that to happen again. But wait a minute. I already own the most life changing book that exists and I haven't even read IT cover to cover yet. I have gotten sucked into the world of Christian non-fiction. Let's face it - EVERYONE has an opinion. You've got the 'everything must change camp', and the 'don't mess with a good thing camp' and everything in between. There are the 'prayer changes things' camps and the 'God's will cannot be changed' camps. There are the, ' let's DO more' camps and the, 'we can do nothing' camps. Quite frankly, it is starting to annoy the crap out of me. I wonder what Jesus thinks about us reading commentary about what He said rather than WHAT HE SAID. Don't get me wrong, I understand that their are men and women with biblically sound things to say. BUT, when I go looking for a book and find SO MANY that claim to explain the TRUE Christianity, or claim to "change your life" or "open your eyes" I get that feeling in my gut. Do you know the one? It is telling me to read the original first. So, for this trip I will take my Bible. Hopefully I will not be too mentally or spiritually lazy to actually get it out and read it! Hopefully God will be gracious to kick me in the butt and make me open it a few times. And THAT will be life changing. Meeting with the eternal God of the universe always is.

You should watch this

http://www.facinglife.tv/episode/season_3/episode_7/episode_307.html

Go here and then click on watch video. And then pass it on to your friends. If you want to know more check out the HIV to Home button or the "Stitch that Makes the Sweater Perfect" blog.

YES, Forever, YES

While we were in France I read Kay Warren's book, Dangerous Surrender. It was really wonderful and a great follow up to my previous read, Irresistible Revolution. I spent alot of time in France evaluating myself, and acknowledging what I was and wasn't ready to surrender. In her book Kay asks the question, "Will you say yes to God before you even know the question?" I decided right then and there to say yes. I would say yes no matter what the request was. But, I'll let you in on a little secret... I thought I knew what the question was. I was pretty sure I had it all figured out. So, even though I meant to say yes to ANYTHING, what I really said yes to was THAT. And wouldn't you know it, I was wrong. Big shocker right? So on Monday I sat crying and wondering what in the world God was doing, and He reminded me that I promised to say yes. Turns out what I said yes to was being broken...again. I said yes to giving away a little bit more of my heart. I said yes to loving, and saying goodbye...again. And now my instinct is to draw back, just like last time. To find a place where I am shielded from this ever happening again. But I know that God is not in that place. So this time I will sit in the valley and let my Comforter come, and I will say yes. In the midst of the pain, this time I will say yes Lord if you so desire to use me again in this way my answer ...will... still ...be... yes.

Insights on the Election

from the perspective of a seven year old.

Me: "So, Gabe, you are getting to witness history. Our nations first black president was just elected. Isn't that cool?"

Gabe: "Was he your first choice?"

Me: "Well, no, but God is in control so clearly God wanted him to be elected. And I'm happy that we have a black president."

Gabe: "I think God picked Obama cause McCain is older and old people sorta forget stuff sometimes."

True enough...

Purposeful

Last night as Noah, Emily, Jason and I got together to discuss Shane Claiborne's "Irresistible Revolution" the word "purposeful" kept coming up. Shane is purposeful in his mission to be like Jesus. He and his friends may look like hippies that float on the wind of anything that comes, but they are not. They know whom they serve and everything they do is to reflect Him to the world. It all has meaning. It got me thinking about my kids. They are being raised in a culture in which we must be purposeful about our lives. Our culture does not, by design, cultivate community. We are independent, look out for number one, autonomous...we're Americans. I see families like the Livesays who are raising a whole batch of kids in Haiti, and I think how blessed they are. Their 12 year old, Paige, is already full of vision and compassion to start her own ministry. I'm sure, if she were still being raised in the states she would be just as kind and compassionate. Yet, her experiences on the mission field have deepened it probably. And the need is right in front of her. My 11 year old is one of the most kind hearted kids you could meet. But her days are taken up by drama club, guitar lessons, youth group cook outs, and horseback riding. She is a delightful child, and she loves the Lord very much. I have no doubt that she would want to serve if she saw a need. I guess that's what I'm getting at. I need to purposefully show my kids the needs around us. They need to see homeless people, hungry people, lonely people. My seven year old lives for the next trip to Toy's R Us. He starts writing his Christmas wish list on December 26th. He loves stuff. Of course if I am honest, so do I. But I try to fight it. What is it that Kendall Payne song says? "Children are only uncostumed humanity." So, how do I do this? How do I raise kids in this culture who have a heart to serve and sacrifice for the gospel? No, these are not rhetorical questions! Please anyone with ideas, chime in on the comments. I'll try to do my own brainstorming and get back to you(:

Interesting Food For Thought

Pay special attention to the nuclear fuel part. Jason designs nuclear fuel and he has been saying this for years!

OK, I'll Vote

I have wrestled and prayed and debated myself. Funny thing. It was a conversation in the car with my girls that made me realize what I have to do. When you are breaking things down into language that an 11 and 9 year old can understand all of a sudden the lingo, spinning, and brainwashing are left out. You find yourself staring at something that actually is right or wrong, good or bad. Madeline, you are wise beyond your years. Thanks for setting me straight(: The beautiful thing is that SHE also knows that God is our ultimate leader, and so we all got out of the car feeling quite peaceful. God is not taken by surprise by anything, and no matter who is in office, HE is in control. I have no illusions that a man can change things, or that a man is going create for America a new moral compass. So, I will vote my conscience and let God sort it out.

Quote I Stole From Ange's Blog

calling is "the place where your deep gladness meets the world's deep need"

Frederich Buechner


Love it!

Why We Don't Need TV

Example #1: Box Forts

We have a visitor(:

Living in Laodicea

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or are we caught in the middle
Are we caught in the middle
Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves
Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me
Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control
Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

"Somewhere in the Middle"
Casting Crowns

late edit: Amy says it well here :http://ourcrewinhaiti.blogspot.com/2008/10/results-not-typical.html

Not voting??

OK, for the first time in my life - ever - I don't think I will be voting. I am at a loss. I didn't want to make this blog political, but I just have to vent and cry and be sad about this for a minute. I have always cherished my privilege to vote. I have always wanted to honor those who fought for my right to vote by doing so. But honest to Pete, I am baffled this time. I will pray for my country, and my world, and ultimately I will pray for whoever is elected. Lord please have mercy on us. We are fallen, and sinful and lost without you. We need you. We need you. We need you. Please don't leave us to suffer the consequences of our mistakes, but in your grace and mercy help us. We NEED You. We need YOU.

really?

speechless

Je Suis En France

Day one in Paris. Bubba and me in front of L'Arc De Triomphe.Bubba and the Eiffel Tower

The Louvre

Notre Dame was just amazing. The intricacy of the carvings is really mind blowing.

Above, Jason and I in front of Notre Dame, and below sitting on the bank of the Seine having a coke - crazy cool!
Smoky, Pinky and I on the TGV from Paris to Angers.
Smoky and Pinky visit Chateau D'Angers. It is a castle smack in the middle of the city - extremely awesome.

This is the church inside the castle.

Then we took a road trip (quite eventful, funny and looong) to Bayeux. This cathedral(below) is in the center of the village. It was a beautiful litttle town. From here we got the tour to Omaha Beach and the D Day memorials.

This is the statue at the cemetary for D Day.

It was windy, rainy and somber.

Then we road tripped again to Pornic, which is on the coast. This is our hotel, and below is the view from the room.

We leave here on Friday morning and take the TGV back to Paris. Friday night we are going to try to book a dinner cruise on the Seine, Saturday we hope to go back to the Louvre and see some old art(: and possibly get to the top of the Eiffel Tower! Sunday we head home.

It has been so fun being here. I have spoken French with French people and it is so cool when they actually understand me and I understand them. When we rounded a corner our first day in Paris and I saw the Eiffel Tower I honest to goodness cried. I really don't know why except that it is something I have dreamed of for so long, and never really thought would happen. If it never had happened I would've been fine - I'm sure heaven holds better sight seeing than this, but for this side of heaven it was just plain neat to see it(: So far I have not found the French or even the Parisians to be snobby. They have all been kind, if not a little amused by us.

The main thing that stands out to me is the godlessness of the culture. It is strange to see cathedrals and church history dating into the middle ages, and yet feel no sense of the Lord in daily life.

I have literally hundreds of pictures , but hopefully this will give you a glimpse of what we are seeing. I'm having a blast, but honestly I am ready to come home. I miss my kids like crazy. I love to get away, not just because I get to refresh and relax, but also because it reminds me how very dull life would be without my kids. M, S, G and D, if you are reading this - I love you so much and I can't wait to see you. I will come in your room and kiss you on Sunday night when I get home(:

Pray and Give

Please go to Licia's blog and read about their struggles since the storms. PLEASE pray for them and then go to Lori's blog and click the paypal button to donate some money. The process they are currently having to use to get clean drinking water is costly. Plus now food prices will go even higher and they have over 70 people in the rescue center to feed on a daily basis - many of them babies who need formula. So please, just go and send them some money. I'm serious. Don't think about it or pray about it - as if God wouldn't want you to. Meet the urgent need. Don't put it off. Just go do it. Yes I am begging, and I'm not ashamed. Give up your latte's for the month or don't go out to eat or something. Anything. And when you are done giving just keep praying. Haiti is in a literal state of devastation right now. As if the food shortage and gas prices weren't bad enough, not crops are destroyed and food will be even more scarce, plus thousands of people have lost what little they had - I mean everything. My heart is heavy right now. There are many people I love in Haiti and many more I have never met who are beautiful, amazing, resilient people. Don't push this out of your mind because they are far away or different. They are just like you. They love their kids - they want to feed them and send them to school. They have dignity and courage the likes of which you may never encounter. They need our help, and we are able.

Here you can see some video of the mass devastation:
http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/7597420.stm




Proverbs 3:27

Do not withhold good from those who deserve it when it's in your power to help them.

Pics are easier than words right now

I DID get D's first day of school - he started a week later and I was determined not to miss it! Here he is with his teacher. No one will ever be as great as Ms. Stacy, but she'll do.He shares a cubby with "Pida Man" (who you can meet here :http://manymanyblessings.blogspot.com/2007/09/wonder-twin-accomplishments.html). They are great buds now.

This is what D and I do when all the big kids are at school and we get a little punchy(:

And if you get a chance please visit Licia's (new) blog with the link to the right and pray pray pray and then pray some more for her family, the rescue center, the clinic and all of Haiti for that matter.

Can't Do It

Shoot. I can't make this blog political. If you caught the last 5 minutes my political ranting was up I apologize. As I walked away from the computer God asked me if that is what I want this to be about. I said, no I want it to be about HIM and his faithfulness in my life. So, politics is out. It is too polarizing. And God is not about that. The end.

Your Family Can Help a Child Come Home

http://www.kidswalkingkidshome.org/

Fifth Day of School

Yeah, you read it right - FIFTH day of school. Don't mock me people. I'm doing the best I can.

In other news, last night D took his first karate class. Here he is showing off his tough "kiah" face. Jason said the instructor couldn't stop laughing(:

Picture Pages - totally random

D's new playmate now that all the big kids are in school... Me and my girls...

Seen at local farmers market...

The girls finally got their ears pierced this summer. Here is M - cool as a cucumber...S is a little more dramatic...and vocal...And then Mommy had to have a stool and a lollipop so I wouldn't pass out. M just had to take a picture - she thought it was sooooo funny...

How gorgeous and grown up are these two????

Back to School

Well, the kids started school this week. At the end of last year I thought we would be homeschooling M this year, and by the middle of summer we had decided that she would go back to public school and I would homeschool G. Now, here we are with all of them back in public school. You just never know how things will play out around here.

Day One: I dropped S and G at the elementary school while Grandma took M to the MIDDLE SCHOOL (WHAT??). I wandered around the house feeling literally nauseous most of the day - praying and trying not to throw up. When M got in the car at pick up she was beaming and said, "I didn't want the day to end." Yeah, I missed you too. G said his teacher was strict and S said she had an awesome day.

Day Two: Less nausea. Same reactions.

Day Three: NO NAUSEA! Kids doing great. Good times.

The bad news - I was such a wreck I forgot to take a picture of their first day. Maybe tomorrow I can snap one of the "Fourth day of School". Hey I like that. I think I meant to do that. From now on, at our house, pictures will be taken on the fourth day. I love when I can turn a mistake intentional - I feel accomplished and rebellious all at the same time(: WIN WIN.

Obama/McCain

Saddleback Church recently hosted this forum. It is a nice format. It's not a debate per se. I feel I know the candidates better. You watch and you decide. It is in 10 parts so it takes a while, but I think it is worth it. Let's vote educated.

Part 1
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UYAUIIE8oLA
Part 2
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M6reueoBzfw&feature=related
Part 3
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Osm8sIwtkc0&feature=related
Part 4
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9BE9yWukgwY&feature=related
Part 5
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G1hGoJhkLt0&feature=related
Part 6
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NKZCrW4g13c&feature=related
Part 7
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h4z0h4Jjtzc&feature=related
Part 8
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOgzY7iYssA&feature=related
Part 9
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI8GXjlxT6M&feature=related
Part 10
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NIK06u_cyJ8&feature=related

Perfect Peace

And this is why there is no fear in love. What a wonderful testimony. Satan can never be victorious if we are resting in God's arms.

"And because I know Who, I am willfully unconcerned with why."
Angie Smith

http://audreycaroline.blogspot.com/2008/08/ever-sweeter.html

No Fear in Love

The agonizing loss that the Chapman's have endured with the death of their sweet Maria Sue has once again opened the flood gates in me. Literally and figuratively. I've been "teary", but also been talking with the Lord about it. Sometimes people say, "I could never do that." and I guess they mean they couldn't survive it. Whatever "it" may be - cancer, death, loss. But it really has nothing to do with doing does it? It has to do with being. You have to keep being. You have to keep breathing in and out and trusting the Lord in the midst of the most mind numbing pain you coud ever imagine.

In the past when I learned of someone losing a child I shut down. I pushed it away and just prayed, "Lord, not me. Please!" I couldn't even let it in hypothetically, much less imagine dealing with the reality. But this time, especially after watching the interview with Larry King I knew I needed to let it in. Steven said that as he held his daughter in the driveway he said something like, "Lord, not this. You can't ask this of us. It's too much." And I realized that is exactly what I have done. I have said, Lord you can have me, you can have my life, but please leave my kids out of it. That is a pain I cannot bear. When I heard Steven say that, the tears started to flow. I looked at that amazing man of God and his God-serving, God-loving family and I FELT their pain. I went there with them. I sobbed and heaved and let it in.

It occurred to me that as the Body of Christ this is how it is supposed to be. We are to bear each others burdens, mourn with those who mourn. The walls we put up to protect us from feeling it come from fear. Fear that it could happen to us, fear that we would not be able to stand under the pain. But, if we are the body, then it HAS happened to us. Steven and Mary Beth are our brother and sister in the Lord. To say that it is their pain, their burden, is not fair. Their faith and honesty are such a powerful testimony of God's sustaining grace. How much more so if we let ourselves feel their pain and atleast try to understand where they are.

There have been, throughout my walk with the Lord, pockets of my life that I did not give to Him. Since my children have come along, THEY are my biggest "pocket". I surrender them to the Lord in word, but my heart still holds them tightly. I say God holds them in His hands, but I still think it is my job to protect them. The fear that something could happen to them can be overwhelming. And what if something did happen? Would God be smaller? Would He be less trustworthy? I can say "no" with my head. My heart may wonder. So, for me to grieve with the Chapman's, and so many others who have lost a child, is a gift I need to embrace. I need to let the pain in, to go there with them, holding my daughter in the driveway as she breathes her last breath. And I need to let God come. I need to let Him take the fear. I need to surrender that moment to Him. Whether or not I will ever grieve the loss of a child I need to know that God is bigger than that moment, than those days that follow, than that pit of darkness and grief and loss. I need to know that NOW. Not when or if, but now.

Even now, just writing it feels wrong. There is a twinge of superstition. I shouldn't say these things. What if it happens? As though my words have power over the almighty creator of the universe's plan for all of his creation. Seriously.


Lord, please take the fear. I am yours. My children are yours. I know that you are all loving and all knowing. I cannot say that I have fully surrendered this "pocket" to you. I am so human. I ask that you give me your eyes to see. Fill me with faith in your love and hope in your peace.

14 YEARS!

Today I have been married to my best friend in the whole world for fourteen years. I honestly don't have the words to express all this man means to me, but I will try to explain. So, in honor of 14 years here are 14 things I love about Jason. (in no particular order)

1. He is the "cup half full" to my "cup half empty", so I guess together our cup runneth over.

2. He can make me laugh on command by pulling out one of his many impressions. My favorite is Bill Murray as "Carl" telling of his caddy job for the great Dali Lama.

3. He is the most hardworking person I have ever known in my life. Seriously, I have no idea how he does it.

4. He loves our kids passionately.

5. He loves the Lord passionately.

6. He lives in constant pain, but most people have no idea. He's just that tough.

7. He actually loves me, all of me, even the quirky annoying parts.

8. When he smiles he has these adorable dimples that just melt me.

9. He does not make decisions based on emotion.

10. When I do stupid stuff like get a couch stuck in a hallway (yeah, literally stuck as in wedged) because I wanted to rearrange furniture, he doesn't give me a hard time. In fact he usually fixes whatever I mess up with a smile and some sort of compliment like, "you're a tough chick for taking that on."

11. No matter how I decorate or paint the house he always says he likes it.

12. He is honest. I mean really really honest. If you ever meet him and he says anything, anything at all, you can trust it. He just doesn't lie. He is what he is, and he says what he means.

13. Every time I get a hair cut he says it looks great. (Does this contradict #12? Hmmmm...)

14. In 14 years of marriage I have only come to love and respect him more.

Hon,

I love you. Thanks for choosing me as your bride(:

Steven Curtis Chapman on Larry King

I'm sorry I couldn't get the pretty little video boxes on here, but just click the links in order and you can see the entire interview. What an absolutely amazing family.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9u8T3dL8KYo
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9nt_FPtK3I
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FDQdvYyBu4Q
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m5qf5gwTO8A
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mY8alyk69vg
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tzv8xf1Omd8

Tell Two

This post will count as one of my two people to tell. Perhaps you have noticed the button on the right for "From HIV To Home". It is an amazing group of people who have adopted HIV positive children and are now educating others about it. The stigma against HIV is still very strong and deep in this country so for many of these parents their child's medical needs are far less daunting than their child's social and emotional adjustment. Who can they tell without their child becoming ostracized? Will their child be left out, ridiculed, shunned? We briefly dealt with this in a very small way when we thought Daniel had Hep B. It was gut wrenching for me to imagine someone not wanting to be around this amazing and precious child, and what that would do to his self image. How could we protect him from the ignorance? Well, in an effort to help spread knowledge about HIV in hopes that those courageous enough to adopt will not be outcasts I am posting this info from the FAQ on their website. If you want more info click on their button on the right. If we can spread the word perhaps these children will be welcomed and loved as they should be. And now I challenge you to go TELL TWO. Find two people and educate them. We can spread knowledge and make a difference.


But isn't HIVContagious?
HIV is a very fragile virus, and there are very specific ways that it is transmitted. HIV is only transmitted when the virus enters the bloodstream. This only occurs through sexual contact; through the use of contaminated needles or other sharp instruments, or receiving a transfusion of HIV-infected blood products; and from a mother who is HIV-infected to her child during pregnancy, childbirth, labour and delivery, and breastfeeding. HIV transmission does not occur with normal household contact. It is not transmitted through tears, saliva, mucous or other bodily fluids. It is considered a "communicable" disease - meaning you can't simply "catch" it. In addition, when an infected person is on treatment, the levels of HIV in the blood are brought so low that they are considered undetectable - meaning the possibility of transmission - even through contact with blood, semen, or vaginal fluid - is that much more remote.
Aren't these children going to die after their families bring them home?
Many people don't realize that the prognosis for children on treatment for their HIV is excellent. They are expected to live long, normal lives. In fact, in the west, HIV is now considered a chronic illness rather than the terminal disease it used to be. Sadly, this isn't the case for those HIV infected children living in resource-poor settings, where 50% of infected and untreated children are not expected to live past the age of two.
Is it true that you can have HIV and not develop AIDS?
Absolutely! There are over 30 medications approved by the FDA for the treatment of HIV, and more are in development. These medications bring the levels of the virus so low in the body that the virus can be considered undetectable in the bloodstream. Patients receiving treatment for HIV can expect to live long, healthy lives without developing AIDS.
What about all of the children who don't get adopted?
We recognize that adoption is only a band-aid answer. It is one small piece in a big puzzle - we are working to provide holistic HIV+ orphan care through our Hope Houses launch in Ethiopia.
What if I catch HIV from my child?
Many people don’t know that HIV is a very fragile virus. As soon as it leaves the body, it begins to die. There are no documented cases of HIV transmission through casual household or school contact. HIV+ children can (and do!) share cups, baths, pools, dishes, bathrooms, etc.! In addition, when children are on treatment for their HIV, the amount of the virus in their bloodstream can be brought so low that it is considered “undetectable” – meaning the amount of the virus in the blood, even through contact with blood, has been brought so low that the possibility of transmission has become even more remote.
What if my other children touch her blood?
Most households with HIV+ children find that this was one of their initial worries and, in fact, becomes not much of a worry at all once their kids are home together. There are very few activities where the blood of one child would enter the bloodstream of another child. Families simply train their children never to touch another person’s blood or “owies” and practice universal precautions in their homes (using gloves when dealing with blood, covering all sores with a band-aid, etc.).
What if no insurance company will cover my child?
Here’s the great news! It is a legal requirement that all adopted children be added to group insurance plans without pre-existing condition clauses in all 50 states! And many states also require that private insurance plans do the same! In addition, all 50 states have funding programs that will assist with the costs of HIV treatment within specified income guidelines. For specific information on your state's programs and insurance requirements, please request our State Fact Sheet for your state.


Also, please go check out this blog and see one family's journey to bring their HIV pos. daughter home from Ethiopia!
http://twietconfetti.blogspot.com/

My BABY is Four Years Old!

I mean, what in the world just happened? My youngest child is four years old! To say this makes me itch for another one is a bit of an understatement. I realize that is mostly selfish, and I will not overextend myself just because I want another one. But if God said there was another Price kid somewhere out there I guess I would be ok with that(:Happy Birthday my sweet sweet boy. You have brought immeasurable joy into my life. I love you so much I sometimes think my heart might explode. Your cheerful attitude and sweet and loving spirit are such a blessing to all of us. I thank God for letting me be your Mom.

Perfect Love

So much of this parenting journey has little to do with the kids and much to do with me. God teaches me so much about himself in this process. When M was born we were young and clueless and the big thing in Christian circles was the ironically titled "Growing Kids God's Way" which is a loveless and dictatorial way of parenting that makes my stomach turn to think about. It was all about rules, limits, boundaries, control and training. I guess the basic premise is that we are not created in the image of God, but must be molded into it by our older and therefore, more God-like elders. Being given dignity and respect is secondary to threats, control and humiliation.

I realize this sounds like a harsh critique, and it is. Don't misunderstand me. I believe children are under the authority of their parents and that it is my job to "train them up". I guess what I am trying to get to is that our children belong to the Lord. Our greatest role is to model HIS LOVE and GRACE. I once heard a pastor, when speaking of The Fall, comment that Adam and Eve rebelled, and their Father was perfect. How freeing! I could, after all these years of trying, actually become the perfect Mother and my children would still have the free will to ignore and disobey me. Think about the command to honor your parents. It says "children obey your parents in the Lord" (Col. 3:20) and "Honor your father and your mother" (Ex. 20:12). The responsibility ultimately rests with the child. It does not say, "chide, threaten, demean, and embarrass your children so that they will obey you" or even "it is your job to make your child obedient". Imagine if God said, "Go share the gospel with that person right now or I will withhold the sun for a week." Instead he says, "because I have loved you, go and love others" (1 John 3:11-24 just as an example-really the entire Bible states and restates that message).

With the addition of our sons through adoption I began to study attachment theories pretty seriously. It is both a scary and beautiful thing, the fragility of our souls. When an infant or childs needs are not met over and over again their perception of the world is that it is dangerous and they must fight and defend themselves at any cost. They decide to need no one. But deep in the heart, the heart that is in the image of God, is the need for relationship. It is by HIS design that we need each other, and that we NEED HIM. We were created to be in fellowship with Him, and the lack of it will only bring emptiness. So, since my boys came to me with hurts and fears what is the best way to heal them? In my mind at this point I have to return to my heavenly Father. How does He heal my hurts?

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit."

Psalm 34:18

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Psalm 147:3

So, our Lord is near to us in our pain, and our motivation for obeying Him is His love for us.

"We love because He first loved us."

1John 4:19

Children with attachment challenges are 99% of the time reacting to the world from a place of fear. They fear they are unloveable. They fear they will be left yet again by those they care for so they put up walls. They fear that allowing someone else the role of provider could result in not being provided for, and so they make sure their needs are met with no regard for those around them. They are in survival mode. It occurred to me recently that I have lived much of my Christian life with an attachment disorder. I have held onto things of this world because I thought I needed them. I did not trust the Lord to fill the void that would be left if I let go of them. I did not believe that HE was enough. I had to look out for ME. I worried about doing the right things, disappointing the Lord and ultimately falling out of favor with Him. I had yet to fully grasp His endless boundless love for me. I had yet to fully grasp that my salvation BY GRACE was just that. It had nothing to do with me. He sent His Son to die a cruel and awful death FOR ME even while I was STILL IN MY SIN! How many times have I heard this and yet I think I could meditate on it for years and never really get it.

"There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love."

1John 4:18

When I really feel the full impact of God's love in my life I will stop looking out for my own needs. I will be willing to let go of the role of provider in my own life (which is only an illusion anyway). I will acknowledge that all I have and need comes from Him. I do not have to be vigilant in maintaing my own comfort. HE is all I need, and I can trust Him to provide. Then it will be so much easier to hold loosely to the things of this world, to be willing to make sacrifices for others.

So as I pray each night for my children to feel secure in my love for them I pray also that God would remind me of His love. As I pray that my kids will have such a strong foundation of love in our home that they will be able to reach out in love to those around them I also pray that God's love would flow through me and pour out to others. I pray that I will not feel the need to hold onto my security blankets (whatever they may be) with no regard for those around me. I pray for the assurance that He is all I need and He will provide.

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you."

Deut. 31:6

"And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus."

Phil 4:19

GRAY

When we decided to adopt - or should I say when God put the desire to adopt in our hearts so strongly that we could not say no - we were very naive. We were naive about the adoption process, the possibility of fraud, the many variables that could lead to unethical practices. We were naive about the effect of adoption on a child's heart. We envisioned a child in need that we could "save". We expected joy and happiness.

In the past 7 years we have learned alot. Our black and white world has become a bit hazy and gray in places. We now have two children in our home that are not biologically linked to us. They came to us with a history. They have a genetic history that is far removed from us, they were born to women we have yet to meet, and they experienced the first months of their lives in a different culture. I will NEVER be able to see what happened to G in his first six months. I will NEVER know what D might have seen in his first 17 months. Read any child development book and you will be told that these are the MOST important and formative months in a childs life. And we missed them. We did not get to buy Baby Einstein videos in hopes of broadening our infants perspective on life. We did not get to make sure they were stimulated and loved and held. They did not hear stories or classical music as they grew in the womb.

Our boys came to us with scars. It has taken me a while to acknowledge this fact. I wanted to shove it under the rug. I mean, they were so young, surely they don't remember, we are really all they have ever know, etc etc. These are lies. They have known others, seen more, felt abandoned. They are survivors. They will continue, at each developmental stage, to process the loss of their family and their culture. At times they will be happy. At times they will grieve. Watching a child grieve is not fun. Being the comfort they need in that moment is both horrible and possibly the most beautiful thing I have been a part of.

Do I wish that they could still be with their birth family in their birth country? Yes. Am I thankful that I get to be their Mom? Yes. Is adoption beautiful? Yes. Is adoption painful? Yes. Is there much in my life that is black and white anymore? Not really.

Just a little excited

Our Hotel is just down this quaint little street on the right. Down the main road to the right, maybe a mile away is the Arc De Triomphe.

Never Got To Paris

boomp3.com

FINALLY....FRANCE!

I took five years of middle and highschool French. I have always wanted to go. Things have never worked out. UNTIL NOW! I am so excited to tell you that I will be accompanying my sweetly employed hubby on an amazing (business for him) trip through France. We will have two days in Paris, visit the Normandy beaches, spend a day in Angers and 3 days in a full spa in Pornic, which is right on the ocean. Can we say cool job perks? It's funny because we used to sing this song. Feels good to check this box(: