You have to see this, but go get some tissues first!
all the time. Even when I am crying and broken and wondering what in the world good can come of something, I know that I know that I know that God is always good and His ways are always perfect. Thanks to everyone who prayed (Corey, your comments were a great encouragement to me), and please continue to. I believe with all my heart that I am in a battle for my sons heart. (I will avoid sharing details to preserve his privacy, but I will report when progress is being made.) I also believe with all my heart that God has a plan for him that is good and that will be glorifying to the Lord. Still, I have to admit that the daily struggles between here and there are a very scary prospect. I will be required to put my heart on the line again and again knowing that it will be broken. I will be required to empty myself of all personal hopes for what could've been or what might be and just love him where he is in the moment. I will have to, every moment, be able to listen to the Lord and seek his wisdom. I guess that is the gift in it for me. I will HAVE to walk closer with the Lord in order to survive.
One of the happenings this week is that G is now in school. It is a looooong story as to how we got to that decision, but everyone who loves him feels it is best for him right now. He is doing well. He likes his teacher and is making friends. So far so good.
Posted by Heather at 7:06 AM
from so many sides that all I can do is look to the Lord. He is my only constant. His love is my only comfort. His grace is my only hope.
Please Lord, fill me with your peace, fill me with your love so that I can give it to others. Do not let Satan win this battle. Show your power and be glorified.
Posted by Heather at 11:54 AM
This week being a Mom has nearly broken my heart in two. "Mother" is, in my opinion, the absolute most dangerous line of work. Adding the adjective "adoptive" just raises the stakes. The highs are the most wonderful mountain top moments but the lows can threaten to destroy you. It is risky business to be sure.
"Life in the raw is both fragile and strong it's both lovely and ugly the same. To live and to love will always be dangerous but it's better than playin' it safe."
Listen to Ups & Downs by Kendall Payne : http://free.napster.com/player/tracks/15023854
Posted by Heather at 11:24 AM
For everyone who thinks God doesn't have a sense of humor, I am here to testify that you are wrong. Immeditately after my last post I proceeded to have a ridiculously hard couple of days. Oddly, it was what I needed from the Lord to remind me of what I am doing here. I guess sometimes I lose track of what He has set before me. I needed to be reminded that I am on a mission field with my family, my neighbors, my church. Yes, I have been given many things and have a basically comfortable life, but God is using me right where I am for His purposes and His glory. In Bible study we read out of Acts how the early church shared all their possessions and if there was a need, it was met. I have been watching how God is using our family to meet some needs around us, and it was such a sweet reminder that I am in fact right where I need to be. The guilt I feel is often just darts from the enemy. I hope I will always be sensitive to the possibility that I am headed in the wrong direction, but will also be open to allowing the Lord to comfort me when I am doing ok.
"Oh Lord, you have searched me and you know me. You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar. You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways. Before a word is on my tongue you know it completely Lord. You hem me in - behind and before; you have laid your hand upon me. Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain. Where can I go from your spirit? Where can I flee from your presence? If I go up to the heavens you are there; if I make my bed in the depths you are there. If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast."
Posted by Heather at 8:48 AM
Well, I am still not back to the blessed/not blessed discussion, but my thoughts have been elsewhere lately. I am mainly struggling with feeling a little too pampered in this life. The Bible talks so much about living as a pilgrim here on earth. We are not to get too settled, too vested, or too comfortable. We are to live so that others can see that we are living for the Lord and not for our own pleasure or gain. I've really been trying to examine my life to those standards lately. Let me give you some concrete examples of stuff that goes through my head. There are starving children in the world, but I spend a fair amount of money every month feeding 3 horses, 2 dogs, a rabbit, a hamster and 3 fish. Is it sinful to have all these animals? There are homeless people in the world and we have a guest room that gets slept in about once a month. I am often too busy/lazy to make a menu and shop for well priced groceries so I end up getting take out or buying stuff last minute at higher prices. We live in a nice house in a nice area with lots of "toys" at our disposal. Do we look like people just passing through? Do we look different than anyone else? I'm not sure we do. I've been thinking about the heading on Lori's blog (Lori in Cazale) which says, 'Live simply so that others may simply live." She sees people every day whose lives could be saved by the amount of money I spent on Gabe's happy meal. When I was in Haiti I swore I would never go home and be unchanged. I saw the need. I felt the conviction to help. But back at home there are now 8 other people sharing this house with me. I am certainly not the only one for whom decisions are being made. How do I reconcile all these things? I think I have some praying to do.
Posted by Heather at 11:36 AM
Oh Good Gracious it is an awesome day here. It is right around 72 degrees and the sky is an amazing crisp blue with not a cloud in sight. So, I will NOT be blogging. Instead I leave you with a song that the girls and I have gotten totally addicted to. We have been reading the Narnia series at bed time and they love that someone wrote a song about Aslan(:
Listen to Aslan by Kendall Payne : http://free.napster.com/player/tracks/15023860
"Safe?, Who said anything about safe? 'Course he isn't safe. But he's good."
Posted by Heather at 12:30 PM
I felt convicted today as I was reading about prayer to put some of my prayers here in writing. Of course some things are just for God's ears, but there are many things that I could share here and doing so would be yet another avenue for God to be glorified. I have always said I should start a prayer journal, so now I will do so here.
I pray that God will protect the girls as they go to school each day, and that they will be strong enough to shine God's light.
I pray that Berny is able to WALK off the plane when we take him back to Haiti in December.
I pray that God will specifically guide us about when we should return to Haiti and that He will create the team that He wants to be there.
I thank God that the school transition has been all we hoped for.
I thank God that Berny is alive, that he is with us, and that he gets stronger every day.
I thank God that G is doing well with homeschooling this year.
In the name of my precious saviour Jesus, AMEN
Posted by Heather at 4:21 PM
Posted by Heather at 11:27 AM